Probation Officer #49: White foam

I undid the catch of Sa’afia’s jeans and pushed them and her briefs down her thighs. Once I’d undone my zip and stepped close so my cock touched her, I pushed them further down so that she could step out of them. She hadn’t worn a belt.

weightI smacked her bottom again, hard, though she was a good and blameless girl who had done no harm, to give her something to contemplate while I condomed up. She was wet when I touched her folds, and while we joined she puffed like a weightlifter psyching herself for a snatch and lift. 

She said, “hooooooo”, when we paused. Then I said it too. I ground her, my soft brown mortar, and we made paste. A wet, sloppy paste. I did not stop, or speed up, for a long time. Eventually, I’m proud to say, Sa’afia screamed. The kind of scream that rattles windows, makes cats run for their lives and worries neighbours.

I decided not to come yet, and save it for later. I stroked her back and praised her. I said, shakily, “oh yes,” which was banal but at least it was something. She didn’t speak at all. She didn’t need to. She reached her hand back towards me and I held it. 

tableI don’t think that Sa’afia had ever been bent over a kitchen table, or perhaps any table, and fucked before. It added something that I was still dressed while she was naked. Men can be criminally, pathetically, negligent. Those things should not have been left undone for so long. She’d liked them. 

I decided that she’d spend a lot of time bent over that table. And a lot of time naked, in my clothed presence. Those seemed easy commitments to keep. They’d worked: there was white, girly foam at the front of my trousers. I hoped I could get it off with a wet cloth before I went to work tomorrow.

She wanted to finish her cooking, once we’d recovered. I refused to let her put her clothes back on. It turned out that she didn’t own any aprons. I let her wear my shirt.

My beautiful white shirt, for making curries. Greater love, or lust, had no man. 

Probation officer #48: Just her

minnieThere was a picture of Minnie Mouse pinned to Sa’afia’s front door. I took that as a message to me. On Sunday she’d wondered why I had a framed, signed picture of Minnie Mouse on my toilet wall, and I’d claimed that I thought she – the mouse, that is – was sexy. Sa’afia’s printer was running out of pink, which is a bit of a disadvantage if you want to print out a picture of La Minnie. But it was a nice thought.

Instead of knocking and waiting I tried the door. It was unlocked so I let myself in, locking the door behind me.

A huge tapa cloth, tan, white and black, covered most of the left corridor wall. I knew the words “‘aiga” (family) and “alofa” (love), but I couldn’t make out what it had to say about those things, beyond that it likely to be favourable. There were doors to the right but I followed my nose and ears – I could hear Sa’afia humming – through to the back of the house and the kitchen.

bicSa’afia wasn’t naked. She was leaning over the stove in baggy jeans and an ancient tee-shirt that must once have been red: Bic Runga, Pacific Voice. It had to be a bootleg, but that only made it cool. That’s enough connoisseurship from me, for a while? But I watched her rump wiggle in the baggy denim for a few long seconds before I said, “you must have a couple of glasses.”

“Jaime!” She charged me with a wooden spoon she’d just pulled out of something yellow and chilli-savoury. I put my bottles on the table and took the spoon off her, balancing it on the edges of a fruit bowl before I let her wrap herself around me. I was wearing a white shirt, and I’ve never been lucky with white shirts and yellow curries. I put my hands on her jeans and then slid them under her jeans to cup her ass, left and right, before I said, “Girl.”

I nuzzled her. I liked her flat nose. It was pretty, though it showed mine up as kind of pointy. “Yeah, you look good. You feel good.”

“You feel good.” She said it like an accusation.

I smacked her arse, something that despite her urging I’d not dome to Ana. It felt good and she didn’t stop kissing me, so I smacked her again. “You aren’t naked.”

“You’ve seen me naked.”

“Oh, that was it, was it?”

“And you’ve seen me in my party things. And you’ve me wearing your clothes, pretending to be a good Christian girl. Well, I thought you could see … me. This is just… me.”

I smacked her arse again. I had no excuse for that. “Well, just you looks pretty fucking good.”

She said, “Just you feels … Oh.”

She said “oh” because of the erection that confirmed what I thought of just her, and because I pulled her tee-shirt up and – she raised her arms – off. “I’m cooking!”

She had to say that because I’d turned her and pushed down over the table, and undone the catch of the bra.

I turned the stove off. There were curries. They would keep. And poured a glass of wine. We could share it. Then I said something so cheesy that even now the memory of saying it makes me cringe. “So am I.”

Probation Officer #43: How submissive?

two 1In my dream Sa’afia held Ana’s arms while Ana knelt, ass up, on my bed. She watched with interest while I took my belt to Ana’s arse, and leaned forward to be kissed while I positioned my cock against Ana’s little asshole. Ana’s strapped skin burned to the touch as I closed contact with her, though the sheets in which I dreamed were cool.

So were Sa’afia’s imagined breasts as she drew me into a tight hug while I pushed forward into Ana’s ass. The dream couldn’t sustain that level of detail. I drifted forward into a female world, a sequence of visual and tactile moments, of Ana’s softnesses and Sa’afia’s. When it all became too improbable, and too much mental work to sustain, I woke up.

It was morning. I  was back in a world in which I couldn’t have sex with Ana, and I shouldn’t really have a threesome with two cousins. They’d probably find it quite awkward, in practice. I didn’t let that worry me overmuch until, eyes closed to keep the images, and with spit and my cock in my hand, I came. Decorously, into tissues. 

In the shower I remembered the certainty I’d felt, while Sa’afia and I were fucking, that if I hurt and subdued her once she was excited she’d find a whole set of sexual pleasures that she probably didn’t know about, let alone know that they were in her. She’d seemed ready to let go of her own control, and to go under, to submit. That, or I’d imagined the whole thing. 

But there was an ethical issue. One that was more relevant to the real world, or my real world, anyway, than whether to involve cousins in a threesome. If I was right about Sa’afia I could easily get her consent.

two ladiesI could smack her ass just before she came, something a lot of vanilla lovers do to their vanilla lovers. It doesn’t need a separate consent. But I could smack her, and if it went well, do it again. If she became really excited, I could ask her consent to smack her harder.

Under those conditions, if the fuck is good, just the word “harder” can trigger a woman’s first submission-flavoured orgasm. 

Submissive women are all different. There’s no “key”. That approach will never work with someone who doesn’t like, desire and trust the person who smacks them. But it had worked for me, though I only did it when I already had some reason to believe that some small, self-revealing, steps into bdsm territory would be welcome. I wasn’t entirely comfortable about knowing things like that. It felt manipulative. Because it was. But it was also true that I’d done it accidentally, and then done it deliberately, and I’d been lavishly rewarded by the responses I’d gained. Submissive women had shown me something that some of them liked, and I’d paid attention.

But if I was right about Sa’afia, should I make any move to reach into her and show her her submissiveness? What about all the changes that bdsm would be likely to bring to her life? How long was I likely to be in her life? Maybe I should avoid changing her. Maybe I’d imagined that feeling between us anyway. Or maybe I hadn’t imagined it. What the hell did I know?

I got out of the shower and got dressed. I decided to go looking for Rodriguez before I went to the office, so I could catch him before he went to work. I called the office to tell them to expect me later. I didn’t call Rodriguez. I should be  a surprise.

Probation officer #42: Hard cases, bad law

Chrysothemis finished her song and burst into tears – which she did beautifully; it was Clare Watson from the Solti recording – and I took the recording off before Clytemnestra turns up. I put on Don Giovanni instead, just the tracks with Zerlina. I’ll explain why some other time. And I made another cup of tea.

Ana’s probation sessions with me were on Wednesday afternoons. Unless she came in early, and I thought she probably wouldn’t, I wouldn’t see her for another three days. In the meantime I had other clients. There was a woman who’d tried to hold up a chemist with a syringe of her blood. She needed subsidised housing if she was to have any chance of getting her children back from foster care. She was off drugs, and she was probably a better bet for her two children than foster care, where the kids were miserable. Their life would only be marginally better with their mother, as far as I could tell. But margins were all she and they had.

There was Rodriguez, who had a soft, humorous manner and the saddest, gentlest, wisest eyes I’d ever seen. It was impossible to spend time with him and not like him. But Rodriguez had been at a party where he was nearest to the man who happened to announce that the beer keg was empty. He’d beaten that man almost to death, and then used the top strand of a barbed wire fence to slash his stomach open. He’d left the man broken, draped over the wire fence. Somehow the man had survived, so that Rodriguez wasn’t a murderer.

I still have no idea, no clue, no insight, no guess, into why that apparently gentle man had done that horrible thing. Rodriguez had served his prison time for it. I’d recommended that as a condition of his release he have to do anger management courses, and that had been accepted. I didn’t think anger management courses addressed whatever the hell had happened, but no-one, including me, could think of anything better. He’d skipped his course last week. If he skipped this week he’d go back to jail. So on Monday I’d have to find him and talk to him.

The Knight's Dream - Richard Mauch.

A man holding his lance, though he’s not doing the flashing. The painting is The Knight’s Dream, by Richard Mauch.

And there was Lance. The flasher with the ridiculous name: Lance Holder. (The names I give in this blog are never real names. Lance’s real name was a ridiculous name for a flasher to sport, but it wasn’t Lance Holder. Or Dick Wagger. But you get the idea.) Maybe because of the comedy name and the fact that he seemed to be physically weak and extremely timid, I wasn’t yet as worried about Lance as I should have been.

I’d heard, not through legal channels but through friends, that he’d been seen masturbating out in farmland, well out of town. I’d have to confront him, and find out what was happening in his head.

girlsSo that’s what I thought about once Sa’afia left. When I’d had dinner, and got everything ready for the working week, I went back to bed. I needed an early night’s sleep.

In bed, drifting to sleep, I thought about Sa’afia’s breasts. And then Ana’s ass. And then every centimetre of both of them. I dreamed about them too. Sometimes dreams are kind.

Probation officer #41: Submission and self-knowledge

A few minutes later, I was looking down into Sa’afia’s eyes. Her knees almost touched her breasts, and she made a little “hooo” noise each time we closed and took each other deep.

She kept her eyes open and on mine while we fucked. There was a kind of anguish, perhaps pleading, in her brows and mouth.

Because of the conversation we’d had, in which she’d urged me to spank Ana, helped along by wishful thinking, I had the sudden conviction that if I reached down and smacked her buttocks and the backs of her thighs while we fucked, firmly enough to resound in the room, to mark her and hurt, I’d get an astonishingly strong, ferociously excited response. If I growled at her and held her down, she would come, hard, from somewhere deep in her gut. I imagined her a little embarrassed by her response, but responding just the same.

This might have been completely misreading her, and it might have been a true intuition. Anyway, I didn’t act on it. Consent can be complicated but that wasn’t: I didn’t have consent. But the thought had excited me and I fucked her hard until Sa’afia came, noisily enough. She still looked earnestly up at me as though I was torturing her. I was sure I wasn’t.

showerAfterwards I followed her into the shower, soaping under her arms as an excuse for holding her slippery breasts, and we cuddled while the water pelted down. We agreed, getting dressed, that we’d see each other again soon. 

Then I drove her home, so she could get changed and attend the day’s second round of church. I stopped my ludicrous old van a couple of houses from her home, so her mother didn’t see her climbing out of a vehicle that couldn’t possibly be passed off as something a woman might own.  

At home, alone on a Sunday afternoon, I made myself a cup of tea.

I put on Strauss’s Electra, and listened to Chrysothemis’s song. Chrysothemis, Electra’s sister, sings about how she doesn’t want to be in the middle of a lot of events, or do any fighting, or kill her ghastly mother, or do anything strong or dramatic. She just wanted to make babies and make a nice, safe home.

Ana and Sa’afia were both, in their different ways, dramatic women. Just then, I identified with Chrysothemis: I wanted a quiet life, and I knew I wasn’t going to get one.

Probation officer #40: “Why spank her if she’d only enjoy it?”

I was puzzled by Sa’afia’s suggestion – demand, really – that I spank Ana. I knew that if I did I’d have a good time, so long as Ana was having a good time too. But I had no reason to think Ana was submissive, and if she wasn’t going to enjoy it what would be the point? I couldn’t imagine spanking someone who didn’t want it. So I said, “Why should I spank Ana? Do you think she’d enjoy it?”

Sa’afia looked at me. I’d said something genuinely strange. “What? Why would she enjoy getting a spanking?” She frowned. “If she was going to enjoy it, why would you do it? That’s…” We looked at each other, having achieved mutual incomprehension.

Then Sa’afia said, “Oh.” She laughed. She was still stroking my cock. “Oh, you mean, like a pervy sex thing? Oh Jaime, you palagi, you’re filthy.”

(Palagi is pronounced “pah-lang-ee”, where “lang” sounds like the German word “lang”, or perhaps “larng”, if you say larng quickly. Palagi can mean “anyone who isn’t Samoan”, but mostly it means “white people”, especially English-speaking ones. It’s not a derogatory term, though if you hear it snarled at you in a certain tone of voice, it might be a good idea to duck. Sa’afia said it affectionately.)

I said, disingenuously, “Well, I don’t know. I know some people enjoy it. Spanking or getting spanked. Or they do both.”

Not boney.

Not boney. Bonny.

“Palagi think everything comes down to  sex. No, I meant you should spank Ana because she’s been messing with you. That’s disrespectful. She deserves it. Put her boney little ass over your knee.”

“It’s not a boney little ass.”

“It’s not like mine. Yeah?” Sa’afia wriggled. She was facing me, but that wiggle worked on my imagination. 

Both asses were perfect, as far as I could tell, but Sa’afia’s slightly more womanly ass was the one on my bed. I said, “Oh yes. Yes, your ass is very very very fine.”

“Thank you.” She poked a finger at my chest. She was vehement about this. “And once you’ve got her over your knee, you get whatever she’s wearing off: right off. That’s how it works. And you smack her. And you do it right.  Not so she enjoys it. To make her behave, silly man.” She glanced down at my cock.

I didn’t want attention drawn to my cock just then. And I didn’t want to think about where this sudden fervour for the discipline of her cousin had come from: Was she jealous of Ana? Was it something she, Sa’afia, wanted herself? Or had Ana put her up to the whole thing? I’d have to explore that some time, but not now.

I said, “You’re a fine one to talk about being filthy. For starters, you’ve got lettuce on your …” And I dived and took a little fold of belly, and the lettuce shred, between my teeth. I bit lightly and shook my head like a terrier, so that she shivered. I speared the little piece of lettuce with my tongue and made it go away, and veered downhill, the further two inches to her cunt. Salty girl, she was.

Sa’afia put her hands on my head and fell back with a whumpff of pillows. So that conversation was over.

And though she’d stopped thinking, I now had a perfectly good explanation and justification for presenting her with an erection.

Probation officer #39: Making mischief

I frowned. “I doubt -. No, I’m pretty sure that’s not a good idea.”

“She should know what she’s missing. Since you’re so careful not to -. Well, she’s not going to find out from you.” 

Sa’afia was making mischief. If she was any cousin of Ana’s, looking worried would only make it worse. So I said, “You’re cousins, and you’re both Bad Girls. Both of you. So you tell Ana whatever you like. But it’s not going to matter. I’m still not allowed to tell you anything about Ana, I mean about Ana and probation. And I’m still not allowed to fuck her, no matter what you tell her.” 

“She’s been teasing you. You know that, don’t you?” 

I thought about Ana’s lesbian story, and how disappointed she’d seemed with my tediously helpful reaction. I’d believed the story at the time, but I’d started to have my doubts. “Maybe.”

“No maybe about it, Mr Probation Officer Sir. She’s been trying to give you another rere, because you get so cute when you’re embarrassed.” She looked at me to check, and of course I blushed. “It’s okay. It is cute.” She circled my cock with her fingers. It didn’t stir. 

“Huh.” (A ‘rere’, pronounced ‘ray-ray’, is an erection, in Samoan circles. But she didn’t mean my cock was cute; she meant my embarrassment was.) 

“Anyway, she says she tells you filthy stories, and she shows you what she had for breakfast, and she says you just sit there and react like a robot. She was starting to think maybe you were gay. Or something. So I can tell her she’s on the wrong track there.” Her hand, still on my cock, started stroking lightly.   

“She knows I fancy her. That’s not breaking any confidences.” I meant that I’d said it to Ana at the party, after we’d danced together, so it wasn’t covered by probation confidentiality rules. But that was too boring and priggish to explain. Fortunately Sa’afia didn’t question it. “But I’m supposed to be a professional. I’m trying to act like it.” 

How much had I thought about that? Far, far, far, far too much.

How much had I thought about that? Far, far, far, far too much.

“You know, you should give her a spanking.”

“No, I shouldn’t.”

“That’s what she needs, I reckon. I bet she deserves it, too. You should just put her over your knee and smack her bottom.”

My cock, treacherously, chose that moment to wake up in her hand. 

Probation officer #38: Don’t talk about the butt-fucking

rude foodIt was afternoon. We’d fucked and slept again, and now we were awake. Sa’afia sat on my bed facing me, cross-legged in my shirt, eating the salad and boiled eggs I’d provided. The shirt was unbuttoned, and there was a tendril of shredded lettuce just above her right nipple. At some stage I was going to lean forward and eat it, but for now I was mesmerised by the way that little sliver of green swung and lifted on brown curved skin as she ate. 

I could watch this oddly intimate sight because I’d done one domly thing with Sa’afia. After we’d exhausted ourselves, I’d put together lunch in the kitchen while she had a shower. When I brought her food I’d picked up the shirt and put it on her shoulders, and she’d put it on and then made to do up the buttons. I’d told her firmly to stop that and leave the shirt open.

She’d stopped as she was told, and undid the one button she’d fastened. I didn’t read anything into that. Apart from that, I’d kept all bdsm and dominant tastes, desires and practices firmly suppressed.

She stopped eating, at last, and looked at me. I was greedier than her, and I’d finished, except for that sliver of lettuce of her breast. I was saving that. “What’s it like, being Ana’s probation officer?”

I thought. “Well, it’s, um.” I realised that there was nothing about being Ana’s probation officer that wasn’t personal. “Actually, I don’t think I can tell you anything about it. We’re like doctors.”

food girl“Or priests.”

“Not exactly like priests. We’re not supposed to butt-fuck our clients.”

Sa’afia stared at me, a little shocked, and then the shred of lettuce shook when she laughed, until it fell another fifteen centimetres down her body, on the curve of her lower belly. I’d be happy to eat it from there, too. 

“So you can’t talk about it.” 

“Nah. Not even about the butt-fucking.” 

“Mmmm. You’re not such a good boy, not like you pretend, are you?” Sa’afia reached over and touched my cock. “But I’m not confidential. I can tell Ana about you.” 

Probation officer #37: Thank you, First Samoan Church of Los Angeles

save the penisSa’afia was prepared to count “get your ass over here” as admiration, because she crawled towards me from the foot of the bed, pulled off the last of the covers and took my cock in her mouth. I put my hand on her head, holding gently since she wasn’t one of those submissive girls. I sighed comfortably. 

Two hours’ sleep must have helped, but it was clear that church had made her feel good, in both the virtuous and cheerful senses. She took me deeper, and nodded her head on her hard mouthful, slowly and remorselessly. I don’t understand religion, but sometimes I benefit from it. Not because of that thought, I said, “Ah god.”

I was going to come very soon unless I stopped her. Sa’afia had gone to church dressed in my clothes, still groggy with our sex-induced sleep, presenting herself in white, sitting and kneeling and sitting again on command. With the tactile memory of my cock still in her. I strongly believed that I should never desire a woman for what she represents, but only for who she is. Anything else is insulting.

Well, I did desire her and like her for who she was. Still, that kneeling good girl in church, in white: that girl was kneeling and naked now, sucking my cock … That thought led quickly to another one: how long will it take me to recover when I come in her mouth? I reached under Sa’afia’s shoulders to take her breasts in my hands while she sucked me, and hoped that my unspoken enthusiasm for her breasts might help to overwrite whatever negative thing she had decided or been told about them. I decided that Sa’afia would want to stay to find out how long I’d take to recover, and I tightened my grip on her breasts and began to thrust more firmly, determinedly. 

I said, at a critical moment, “Uh, Sa’afia, I -” But by then she knew I was about to come because I’d started. She took, swallowed and kept going, until my feet, shoulders and arms had all lifted off the bed and I could only make incoherent noises. She continued, making a fond noise you might make to a baby, until I lay back again and my cock had started to soften in her mouth.  

One of my last thoughts before my autonomic responses took over had been in praise and thanks to the First Samoan Church of Los Angeles. I didn’t speak it aloud.

Probation officer #36: My shirt

 Sa’afia got up early next morning, muttering something. I didn’t argue. We’d had two hours’ sleep. I was only half aware of her leaving. I woke up later, alone. I was sad she’d gone and didn’t expect her back, but I went back to sleep. 

I was still asleep in mid-morning when she came back. She’d put her hair up and a red flower behind her ear. She was wearing my biggest white shirt with a belt, and my smallest, blackest jacket. She looked neat and tidy, and pure, like a girl at a Samoan church. It was Sunday, of course. I’d forgotten about Sundays and churches. I thought of the congregations I’d driven past at Samoan churches, and decided – despite her bare legs and sneakers – that she’d probably passed. 

I said, “Hello, you. Where’d you get the hibiscus?” 

“Tree near the church.”

“Cool shirt.”

“Oh Jaime, I’m sorry. I needed to wear black and white, and I didn’t want to wake you. It’s, well, I can’t go to church looking like I didn’t get home last night. They wouldn’t stop talking about it. I mean for years.”

“I suppose not. You slut.” She did a supermodel ‘flirt’ pose, with a twirl of hair on her finger, looking at me sideways, showing me dimples. She was full of herself, having fooled her congregation. And maybe her mother. Maybe. “Wonder slut. Beautiful slut. And it’s okay, you’re welcome. That shirt looks way better on you than me.”

shirtSa’afia put my jacket over the back of a chair, and began to undo buttons. “No. It looks better in, Jaime, don’t you have a clothes basket? Well, on the floor, then.”

She stripped quickly and without any trace of last night’s shyness. She skimmed down her knickers. But the bra was still the last thing she took off. I wanted to put my face between her breasts, and then my cock. But remembering last night’s shyness about her breasts, I said, “Yes,” with fervour, as applause.

So Sa’afia stood naked, not posed as anything, just letting me look at her.

I sat up and pulled the bedcovers aside. “Get your ass here. Now.”