Probation officer #54: With the beautiful clever one

“I know which girl I’m with.” I finished my curry and pushed the plate away. “You’re the one whose ass isn’t boney.”

“Try harder.”

“You’re the beautiful, naked, amazing clever one.”

“Better. Mmmm.” Sa’afia got up to hug me. I got beautiful bare breasts, the amazing breasts of a clever woman, against my curry-stained shirt. 

I stood and put my arms around Sa’afia. I kissed her and held her as if I meant it nearly as much as in truth I did. She relaxed into me. And I said, “who doesn’t shoplift. Or maybe you just don’t get caught.”

John Wayne in "McClintock". But you knew that.

John Wayne in “McClintock”. But you knew that.

“You! You fucking …” Sa’afia struggled in my arms, like the heroine in a late John Wayne movie. It was a movement like a washing machine agitator, all energy and power and no intention of actually going anywhere.

But to stay in genre – late John Wayne – I smacked her ass again. And again. And she still hung on to me. And again. And again. And by then we knew some things about how this night would be.

Eventually I let my hands stay on her incredible ass and just squeezed. “Believe me, when I do that, it’s personal.”

“Mmmm.” Sa’afia let herself sound half-convinced. She wanted a better compliment.

But I only smacked her again, and said, “bed.”

“You’re assuming a lot right now, aren’t you?”

“Sa’afia. I mean it with all sincerity. Your bedroom. Your bed. Now.”

Probation officer #53: Free-floating desire

“Oh great.” I was shocked by how much I desired the image of Ana that flared sudden and brilliant in my mind, but it seemed rude to Sa’afia even to have it in my head. I closed my eyes and pushed at my eyelids with my fingers. I got a purple ball floating on a brownish-red background, and Ana dissipated. “Well, she’s just going to have to stay jealous.”

“Poor Ana.” But Sa’afia was eating her curry now, and if she felt any real sympathy she had it well concealed. She waved her fork at me. “But you can’t go round bossing me around just because you can’t have her. And spanking me.”

“I’ve never bossed you. Yet. And I’m never going to spank you because I can’t have Ana. I spanked you because … I don’t know, because of the moment. And because of your ass. Great ass.” Sa’afia kissed me for saying the right thing. So I said the wrong thing. “It really, truly had nothing to do with Ana.”

tidalSa’afia stopped kissing me. I was probably lying. Certainly what I said wasn’t true. Ana and I had flirted, obscurely but hotly, and some of the sexual wash from that flirtation had reached Sa’afia.

But the rest was hers and only hers. It was foamy and hers, and I shouldn’t leave her in any doubt.

So I assumed the right to hold her face and turn it to me. I kissed her again. 

She liked the kiss. She said, “you better remember which girl you’re with.”

Probation officer #52: Cousins have no secrets?

I said, “Well, you will go squealing into the phone. She could hardly have missed it.”

“That wasn’t a spanking. That’s just slapping my arse a couple of times. Lots of men would do that.”

“Lots of men? You get lots of men slapping your arse?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I’m not being jealous. Well, not out loud. It just seems kind of surreal, that’s all.”

table 1“And I said lots of men would do that. If they got the chance. I meant when you ripped my clothes off and pushed me over the table. I said that’s when you spanked me. Just before you fucked me.”

“You told Ana about that? Jesus.”

“What? We’re cousins.” As though cousins have no secrets. I have cousins. They don’t know anything. “She told me you get bossy sometimes. It makes you a different person. You keep that side of you hidden, mostly. But sometimes it comes out. She thinks it’s kind of hot. That’s why I told you to spank her.”

“Ah huh. You were looking after her best interests. And it got you spanked instead. There’s justice for you.”

“It’s not fair at all! Ana was so jealous!”

Probation Officer #51: Dîner sur la table

The conversation wound up a minute or so later. Sa’afia came back, eyes sparkling. 

“That was Ana.” 

“I know.” Sa’afia paused, in my shirt, glowing white – with yellow curry streaks – on glowing brown skin. She seemed confident, now, that I liked her breasts. “Now take that shirt off.”

pretty brownShe obeyed quickly, as if she’d been waiting for me to get around to mentioning it. I held out my hand and she gave me my shirt. Now she glowed brown, except that her nipples were purple-black and Sa’afia was a pubic hair girl, neat but retro and shining raven-black. She smiled, tremendously amused by me, and certain that I liked what I saw.

I smiled back at her, less brilliantly. “Now come and sit down. Dinner.”

I put my shirt back on while Sa’afia sat across the table from me. When I’d finished doing up the buttons I topped up her glass and mine, and we silently toasted each other, looking into each other’s eyes.

A clothed man and a naked woman, at table. We were doing something perverse. We both knew and felt it. I said, “eat.” 

But Sa’afia took a sip of her wine instead. “I told Ana that you spanked me.”

Probation officer #50: Shirt-lifting

Dinner, like Sa’afia, was had over the kitchen table, with wine. One curry was chicken and cocoanut with baby aubergines, and the other was long beans, tomato and okra. We drank it with a Catalunya rosado. I’ve told you that because the woman in the liquor store recommended the rosado. And I recommend it to you, for curries, though beer would also have been good.

It was warm in the kitchen, though the evening was getting chill. I wore my pants and no shirt. She wore my shirt and no pants. I was going to tell her to take my shirt off, because although the food was good, it hadn’t distracted me from her. But her phone buzzed. Sa’afia looked at me. It took three cycles for me to understand she was waiting for my permission to answer it. I said, “yes, of course. Take it.”

She fished the phone from her jeans pocket on the floor, glanced at the name and scampered into the corridor. I poured more rosado and didn’t listen. But I knew it was a girl. Sa’afia hadn’t casually off to the toilet, taking the phone and the conversation with her, as she’d have done if it was another boyfriend. And she laughed a lot but she didn’t have that seductive edge to her voice that she used when she talked on the phone to me. 

mans shirtEventually I realised that the laughter was social. It involved me, and I was supposed to notice it. So I brought Sa’afia her wineglass, and because she had the phone in one hand – “just a second, uh” she said – and the glass in the other, I lifted my shirt at the back.

She wriggled frantically trying to dodge my hand, but that only made the resounding smack I gave her bottom even more satisfactory. So I gave her another.

Sa’afia yelped, then tried, too late, to cover the phone. I walked back to my chair while the laughter pealed out again. 

Probation Officer #49: White foam

I undid the catch of Sa’afia’s jeans and pushed them and her briefs down her thighs. Once I’d undone my zip and stepped close so my cock touched her, I pushed them further down so that she could step out of them. She hadn’t worn a belt.

weightI smacked her bottom again, hard, though she was a good and blameless girl who had done no harm, to give her something to contemplate while I condomed up. She was wet when I touched her folds, and while we joined she puffed like a weightlifter psyching herself for a snatch and lift. 

She said, “hooooooo”, when we paused. Then I said it too. I ground her, my soft brown mortar, and we made paste. A wet, sloppy paste. I did not stop, or speed up, for a long time. Eventually, I’m proud to say, Sa’afia screamed. The kind of scream that rattles windows, makes cats run for their lives and worries neighbours.

I decided not to come yet, and save it for later. I stroked her back and praised her. I said, shakily, “oh yes,” which was banal but at least it was something. She didn’t speak at all. She didn’t need to. She reached her hand back towards me and I held it. 

tableI don’t think that Sa’afia had ever been bent over a kitchen table, or perhaps any table, and fucked before. It added something that I was still dressed while she was naked. Men can be criminally, pathetically, negligent. Those things should not have been left undone for so long. She’d liked them. 

I decided that she’d spend a lot of time bent over that table. And a lot of time naked, in my clothed presence. Those seemed easy commitments to keep. They’d worked: there was white, girly foam at the front of my trousers. I hoped I could get it off with a wet cloth before I went to work tomorrow.

She wanted to finish her cooking, once we’d recovered. I refused to let her put her clothes back on. It turned out that she didn’t own any aprons. I let her wear my shirt.

My beautiful white shirt, for making curries. Greater love, or lust, had no man. 

Probation officer #48: Just her

minnieThere was a picture of Minnie Mouse pinned to Sa’afia’s front door. I took that as a message to me. On Sunday she’d wondered why I had a framed, signed picture of Minnie Mouse on my toilet wall, and I’d claimed that I thought she – the mouse, that is – was sexy. Sa’afia’s printer was running out of pink, which is a bit of a disadvantage if you want to print out a picture of La Minnie. But it was a nice thought.

Instead of knocking and waiting I tried the door. It was unlocked so I let myself in, locking the door behind me.

A huge tapa cloth, tan, white and black, covered most of the left corridor wall. I knew the words “‘aiga” (family) and “alofa” (love), but I couldn’t make out what it had to say about those things, beyond that it likely to be favourable. There were doors to the right but I followed my nose and ears – I could hear Sa’afia humming – through to the back of the house and the kitchen.

bicSa’afia wasn’t naked. She was leaning over the stove in baggy jeans and an ancient tee-shirt that must once have been red: Bic Runga, Pacific Voice. It had to be a bootleg, but that only made it cool. That’s enough connoisseurship from me, for a while? But I watched her rump wiggle in the baggy denim for a few long seconds before I said, “you must have a couple of glasses.”

“Jaime!” She charged me with a wooden spoon she’d just pulled out of something yellow and chilli-savoury. I put my bottles on the table and took the spoon off her, balancing it on the edges of a fruit bowl before I let her wrap herself around me. I was wearing a white shirt, and I’ve never been lucky with white shirts and yellow curries. I put my hands on her jeans and then slid them under her jeans to cup her ass, left and right, before I said, “Girl.”

I nuzzled her. I liked her flat nose. It was pretty, though it showed mine up as kind of pointy. “Yeah, you look good. You feel good.”

“You feel good.” She said it like an accusation.

I smacked her arse, something that despite her urging I’d not dome to Ana. It felt good and she didn’t stop kissing me, so I smacked her again. “You aren’t naked.”

“You’ve seen me naked.”

“Oh, that was it, was it?”

“And you’ve seen me in my party things. And you’ve me wearing your clothes, pretending to be a good Christian girl. Well, I thought you could see … me. This is just… me.”

I smacked her arse again. I had no excuse for that. “Well, just you looks pretty fucking good.”

She said, “Just you feels … Oh.”

She said “oh” because of the erection that confirmed what I thought of just her, and because I pulled her tee-shirt up and – she raised her arms – off. “I’m cooking!”

She had to say that because I’d turned her and pushed down over the table, and undone the catch of the bra.

I turned the stove off. There were curries. They would keep. And poured a glass of wine. We could share it. Then I said something so cheesy that even now the memory of saying it makes me cringe. “So am I.”

Probation officer #47: Good day sunshine

Pants pants. Ana hated them. She was right, though I didn't say so.

Pants pants. Ana hated them. She was right, though I didn’t say so.

This time Ana didn’t stay when our time ran out. Her work clothes were making her uncomfortable. It wasn’t so much that they were physically uncomfortable, though they were that. She didn’t like me seeing her look so sexless. So I broke some more rules, this time doing the right thing, by giving her another hug before she left. I whispered in her ear that she’d be okay tomorrow.

And I growled, “banana smoothie.” So I got a split-second smile and a nod before she left.

I got home feeling bleak. I’d picked up some of Ana’s mood. I thought I’d call Sa’afia and see if she was free on Friday.

But my phone rang before I’d had time to have a shower. It was Sa’afia, with promise and meaning in her voice. Her mother had gone out, and had just called to say she was looking after a friend and wasn’t coming back tonight.

Good day sunshine

Good day sunshine

So would I like to come round? To Sa’afia’s house? To help her have dinner? Possibly bringing her some wine?

I said I had sunshine on a cloudy day, and she said what in the world, and I said I’d be right there, and she said, oh! but it isn’t remotely like the month of May, and I said, May, Schmay, will you be naked, and she said, maybe, but there was only one way to find out.

It doesn’t take much to cheer me up.   

Oh, Rodriguez? When I’d found him, back on Monday morning, he said he’d missed his anger management class because he’d slept in. I said that if he thought the course was crap, that was exactly why he had to go to all the sessions. He had to show that he could put up with annoying things without going nuts, if he wanted me, and cops and lawyers and judges to stay out of his life. He asked me for a lift to work, and if I’d drop his kids off at school, since that was on the way. That was to annoy his wife. She didn’t approve of my van. 

But I liked my van, and Rodriguez’s kids thought it was hilarious. They made sure everyone at school saw them piling out of the sliding doors when I stopped by the school gates. So he got his matrimonial victory. I told him he could pay me back by going to his stupid course. 

And on Wednesday evening I put on a new shirt and got into my van. Then I thought more about the tone of Sa’afia’s voice, and went back inside to pick up spare socks, underpants, another shirt and a toothbrush. 

Probation officer #46: Electrical banana

“Okay, good. There’s something else you should know. You feel like shit right now, right?”

“Oh god yes.”

“It started on Tuesday?”

Ana looked puzzled. “Yes, it did. What about it?”

“It’s the eccy. Eccy come down is  a bit like a hangover. Not as painful but more depressing. It usually hits on the Tuesday after the Saturday night. They call it Eccy Tuesday.”

“Oh, that’s Eccy Tuesday. I thought people took eccy on Tuesdays. I couldn’t work out why.” 

banner“Eccy-taking Tuesday. Yeah. Anyway, your eccy drop’s going on a bit longer than usual, that’s all. Maybe because you had a lot on your first go. But drink lots of water, have a banana smoothie and get an early night tonight, and I can just about guarantee you’ll be feeling fine tomorrow.”

“Does it have to be banana? Mango’s nicer.” 

“No. Banana works better. With a bit of lime. Or lemon. You’ll have banana. And like it, girl.”

Since the smoothie was a placebo anyway, it would work better if I was specific and positive about the ingredients. Also, she’d called me “sir”. It had awoken the desire to have her obey me. The more arbitrary it was, the sweeter the obedience. In bdsm flirtation can get extremely obscure. In a probation service interview room, I hoped it was so damn obscure that Ana wouldn’t notice. 

bananana“Okay.” Ana smiled. “Banana it is.” 

Bdsm flirtation turned into clowning around, almost as if there’s not much difference between them. “Damn right it is. You’ll do as you’re told.” 

“If you say so.” 

I pulled myself together. “So. How are your classes going?”

Probation officer #45: Aegean Sea, Augean stables

I said, “Ah huh.” I wasn’t sure what Ana’s father had to do with her eccy consumption. I let that pass, for now, but it alarmed me.

Alarm came out as anger, as it tends to do. “Ana, eccy’s illegal. You know it’s a stupid law, I know it’s stupid. But there are cops who’d love to bust you for possession. There’s a judge who really wants to put you in jail. I don’t want you anywhere near eccy again. You don’t take it. You’re not to have it in your pockets. You’re not to have any in your bag. When a nice guy at a party who wants to fuck you gives you some?”

That was a question. Ana said, “Yeah, it was something like that.”

“Well, next time you tell him you’re allergic. Or something. Look at this glamorous room you’re in.”

aegeanAna looked at the chipped old desk stacked with files and the poster advertising holidays in the Aegean, the domestic violence poster and the poster giving numbers to call if you thought you were pregnant. “It’s one hell of a room, all right.”

“Well, the justice system has worse rooms than this. Much worse. So just until you’re out of trouble, Ana, don’t fuck with the law any more. You can’t afford it.”

Ana smiled. “Yes, Mr Probation Officer Sir.”

“No. I’m serious.”

“No. So am I. Sir.”

I don’t know if she noticed that second “sir”. I felt it, of course.