Lewis Carroll’s Re-Joycings!

Posted on November 19, 2019 by jaime

I wrote a series of stories, in which the punchline was always a deeply stupid re-working of the celebratory chortle from Jabberwocky: “Oh frabjous day! Calloo callay!”

I promised to collect them.

I thought there were five or six of them, but tragically I can only find four. But here we go! And here they are:

HP Lovecraft rang his friend Lewis Carroll. “My doom is upon me! The Great Dead Old One moved into the Alpine house next door! He’s tentacular, and his Doomed House keeps getting nearer and – AAARRRGH!” Silence. Carroll hung up. He breathed, “Oh frabjous day! Cthulu Chalet!”
Lewis Carroll was concerned that moorland drainage and increased forest growth was leading to the extinction of a species of long-billed, wading birds. But John Ruskin told him there were still plenty in France. “Oh frabjous day,” breathed Carroll. “Curlews in Calais!”
After Lewis Carroll left the dentist, his fillings started picking a strange radio signal from the future: the B-52s singing “Love Shack”, through a fracture in time. He listened, appalled, and said, “O fractious day! Canoodle chalet?”
Lewis Carroll fell asleep while he was out in his inflatable canoe. It got caught by the wind and blown across the channel. Eventually he saw a guy sunbathing on a beach. He called out, “Where am I?” The Frenchman realised this must be a lost Englishman. He said, “O frabjous day! Canoe to Calais!”

And, just for Jabberwocky re-working fans, here’s one more:

5. Lewis Carroll was talking to Dickens, after his triumphant American tour. Dickens told him one of the odder sights was what the Americans called, “eckdysiasts”. “What is that?” asked Carroll. “Essentially, they dance and take their clothes off. After they’ve undressed they still dance, but use balloons to cover certain bits of their bodies.” “Oh frabjous day!” said Carroll. “Balloon ballet!”

Masturbation Monday: Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream

Posted on November 18, 2019 by jaime

Something clicked in Teresa’s mind as she bent over her desk. She opened her eyes and mouth. In the book beside her bed, Tessa’s Duties, by Cerise Nates, the dominant billionaire Julian had called virginal secretary Tessa ‘little minx’, just like Roland had called her now. And that phrase, ‘Stretch your arms out sideways, and don’t move them’: that was word for word from her favourite passage.

She glared back at him, but without rising from his desk. “Hey! You bastard, you did read my books! You read Tessa’s Task! Are you being Julian?”

“I haven’t read Tessa’s Task.” She suspected that’d be true, though misleading. He’d only had have time to read a page and a half of it.

But it was her favourite page and a half. She guessed that Roland wanted her to have the experience of something she’d thought of, magically coming true. So she was generous to him, and didn’t call him on it. He smacked her again, harder. “It’s time you had a proper spanking, girl.”

“I’ve already had one! You just spanked me, remember?” It was odd having this defiant conversation with her nipples and nose obediently pressed against the wooden desktop. “And that was on the most tenuous excuse I’ve ever heard.”

“Teresa, I said a proper spanking. You’ve had the first half. When you’ve had the second half, then you can say you’ve had a proper spanking.”

But he followed that nonsense by putting his hands back on her bottom, and dug his thumbs into the balled muscles, reaching and pressing into tension spots.

Teresa said, “Oof”, then moaned softly. The nonsense he sometimes spoke was only nonsense, but his touch was real and it felt good.

After a couple of minutes of firm massage he stroked in the deep valley between her buttocks, very lightly touching her cunt. Teresa closed her eyes and moaned while he ran his fingertips along her lips, getting them wet. She was wetter. She asked, “Is this the proper spanking?” She tried, for comedy purposes, to make it sound as if she hoped so.

Roland only smacked her, hard, making that pistol-shot sound of palm on flesh. “This is a proper spanking.” He smacked her again, still hard, on the other side. “Now keep your arse up, Teresa. You look hot like that, and you know it. Also, you want to give me a perfect target.”

“Please don’t hurt me. Not … too much. Sir.” Her voice was little. Her voice sounded little to her, and she was surprising herself. Teresa didn’t know, just then, whether she was play-acting or if the spanks she’d already had, and the commands she’d already obeyed, with the promise of many more of both to come, had let her drift into a smaller, less powerful state of mind. There are pleasures in helplessness. Teresa decided to let go, turn off her mind and float, discovering and exploring downstream.

Sinful Sunday: Warmth

Posted on November 17, 2019 by jaime

Body warmth is generated by bodies pressing together. And friction. And impact.

Emotional warmth: that’s generated by those things too.

(Model: The lovely Zoë, whose blog is here.)

Elust 123

Posted on November 16, 2019 by jaime

Elust 123

Photo courtesy of Deviant Succubus

Welcome to Elust 123–

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #124? Start with the rules, come back November 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Bittersweet Symphony

Breast cancer awareness – check your boobs

The devil is in the detail…

Wicked Wednesday: A Vibrant, Silent, Presence

Posted on November 14, 2019 by jaime

Two women work out whether they’re competing, or interested in each other. Or both.

It’s a hot scene, but it’s published now, and publishers don’t like things they publish to be also be available free on the internet.I’ll put up a link to where you can buy a book with this hot scene in it, shortly.

Masturbation Monday: Spurning my arse?

Posted on November 12, 2019 by jaime

Teresa posed, hands and knees on his bed, ass up. She knew what would have to happen next: Roland would reach for her, get up onto his knees behind her. Then he said, “No.”

Teresa made a protesting noise. “Whuh?”

“Get up, girl. Off the bed. On your feet.”

Teresa looked at him, frowning. “I am dealing with a madman, who appears to be spurning my arse.”

But she rolled over and put her feet on the floor. Roland rolled off the bed too, stood in front of her and held her so that she had to look up into his eyes. “Go to my desk, Teresa.”

“You want me to bring you something?”

“And turn to face it.”

“Interesting.” But she did as she was told. It occurred to her that he was easy to obey because he wanted her and he focussed on her. He never made her feel like she was on her own. If he did, she expected that he’d find that obedience, in a sexual content, is a fragile thing. He hadn’t told her to, but to show him where she stood on matters of command and compliance, she put her hands back on her head.

Roland stepped behind her now, and cupped her breasts, lifting them a little while squeezing her nipples between the forefinger and middle finger of each hand. Teresa pursed her lips, and hissed almost silently. The pressure on her nipples was just hard enough that she could be certain that he meant to hurt her, though not too much.

She arched back so her arse found and pressed against his cock. He grunted, and she felt his cock growing at that contact, from semi-hard to absolutely, fully committed. He kissed her shoulder, then her neck, and stepped back. Debbie stayed where she was.

“Good girl,” he said. It was the first time he’d called her that. She knew, from reading books like Tessa’s Task, with the attractively domineering billionaire Julian and his submissive and virginal secretary Tessa, that those two words are more important than they might seem. Julian, in Tessa’s Task, had called Tessa a good girl after he’d spanked and buttfucked her.

People who get dominant when they’re turned on, like Julian and, it was now obvious, like Roland say that to submissive partners they approve of. If she didn’t want to be praised for submissiveness, “good girl” would only be offensively patronising. They’d be offensive words addressed to her or to any female person over the age of twelve, she thought, except in exactly this context.

SoTeresa froze for a moment, frowning. She considered whether to object, or deflect it with a joke. But part of her was simply pleased that he thought she was good. She felt Roland, behind her, freeze too. He’d be nervous, of course. It was as though saying ‘good girl’ was his job application, and he was waiting to see if he had the job. At last she smiled and nodded. She heard Roland breathe out, and he kissed her shoulder. She was still sceptical, despite the concessions she’d made on their previous night together. He might be more relieved than he should be. Still, he could have a trial period. Provisionally, he had the job.

He didn’t know about her reservations. He said, “Now put your feet well apart and bend over, Reresa. Nipples and nose touching that desktop. Stretch your arms out sideways, and don’t move them. Now, Teresa.”

This time the pause only lasted a second. Then Teresa obeyed, putting her hands on the desktop and lowering her body into that unmistakably submissive position. Obedience to that order was likely to turn out to be rewarding in multiple ways. She would be fucked, and fed. Now bent over, obedient and at risk of being called “good girl” again, she frowned, evaluating the position she found herself in.

She improved it, straightening her legs without being told, to present her uplifted arse for him.

So he stepped forward and put his hand on her bottom, caressing her left cheek fondly, then made claws of his hands, dragging his fingernails gently up from the crease of her thighs to the small of her back, and then returning to her thighs. Her skin goosebumped under that light touch. He rubbed her more firmly, then smacked her arse.

“Are you – Are you going to spank me?”

“Of course. Would you try to tell me you haven’t been asking for it, little minx?”

Sinful Sunday: Filled, flogged and…

Posted on November 10, 2019 by jaime

The butt plug was introduced quite recently, and it still feels strange.

The cane still feels ouchie.

As always, punishment is followed by a period for refection, before it’s time for comforting. It’s odd how a butt plug, together with Master’s penis, should equal “comforting”.

But that is how it is.

Wicked Wednesday: Punishment robe

Posted on November 6, 2019 by jaime

Claire tries on the punishment robe for the first time. Maddie fancies her in it. Some kind of happiness is brewing.

Masturbation Monday: Arguments for anal sex

Posted on November 5, 2019 by jaime

Teresa kissed Roland, post-coitally lazy. “You know, if you fed your vampire girl, regularly, with your come, into my body and not into little bags that you throw away, I don’t think I’d have the urge to bite you. And then you could fuck me, face to face, without pushing my face away or tying me down.”

“I like you tied down.” That was a compliment, one of the odder ones she’d ever been given, but she knew he meant it.

He bit her breast lightly. “And I think you like being tied down, too.”

“Yes, I do. But maybe not every time? You can tie me whenever you like, but it’d be nice to think you trusted me. That you don’t trust me – and I know you’re not completely wrong, given my record – but that’s still … kind of hurtful. ”

“Ok. Then get on the pill tomorrow. And the deal seems to be, at the moment, that we neither of us fuck anyone else. Except with the other’s permission, and then with a condom. All right?”

“Sir!” She said it like a soldier acknowledging an order. Teresa realised she only called Roland sir when she was asking for something, or she was happy with something he’d said. She knew he liked hearing it. In her own way, she thought, she was training him.

“So will you fuck me now? Without you wearing a stupid bag on your cock? I want just your skin and mine together, nothing between us, and your seed when you come in me. Sinking into me. Letting me absorb it. Feeding me. I mean, I’d kind of like that right now, sir.”

Roland shook his head. “I’m still not going to risk you getting pregnant, little Teresa. We’ll still have to wait.”

Teresa kissed Roland’s collarbone, still not quite healed from her bite. “Sir, I can suck your cock. I can swallow your come, taking it all down into me, and it goes through my body. I extract its energy while it’s in my stomach, and what I can’t use passes on into my alimentary canal. And out.”

“You want to suck me off? So that I come in your mouth? And that would feed you? All right.”

“No. I mean, yes, but not right now. That’s not what I want us to do. I’m just pointing out that you don’t have to think only of my cunt. You can fuck me hard, come in me and not get me pregnant. I’m amazed you haven’t taken my arse so far. You obviously like it.”

“I like your arse a lot.”

“So we’ve got the answer, sir, haven’t we? Fuck me up the arse, and I won’t feel I have to feed on your blood. And I won’t keep biting you. Your seed, my lover and my sir’s seed, that’s got to be even stronger than blood.”

Roland stared at her, as if she’d said something strange. Perhaps she had. She could see him waking up from his post-orgasmic stupor.

He said, at last, “You know, you’re right. I come in your perfect arse, and you won’t bite me. So that’s how it’ll be, the very next time.”

“No. Idiot.”

He said, “Idiot?” She glanced at his cock. It was still mostly down, but it was becoming engaged again, starting to take notice and thicken. He noticed her glance.

Teresa still looked at him as if he were a slow child. “Roland, I’m not talking about the future. I’m saying, fuck me up the arse. And come in me. I mean now, sir.” She rolled over and lifted herself onto her hands and knees. As she’d expected, the sight of her, presented, her arse up, inviting and demanding his desire, made the difference she wanted. He woke up.

“Your arse,” he said, “is perfect. And perfectly poised. And you’ve just made the weirdest argument for buttsex I’ve ever heard. But I endorse the no-biting project. Also, your arse has the sexual pull of about a thousand ships, I’d say.”

“So?” Teresa shook that arse at him.