Probation Officer #202: Endgames 11

I took Ana into my office. I sat down. She didn’t. She stood looking down at me, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. She clutched her phone without looking at it.

I looked at her. I wanted to tell her to sit down, but I had another appointment in half an hour. She’d stay longer if she sat. “Ana, we don’t have an appintment, and you need one. But I can give you twenty minutes. Wha’d you want?”

Ana breathed three times through her nose, hard. It didn’t help. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you. Look, you’re nearly done with probation. I have to spend more time with people who are…” – I waved my hands vaguely – “who need me more.” 

“Bullshit. I mean, yeah, that might be true. But we’re friends. You were my … You were Sa’afia’s boyfriend. And now you’re treating me like you don’t know me.”

“No, I’m not.” But I was.

“You’re punishing me. Much worse than you ever punished Sa’afia.” Her eyes were welling with tears. She’d found an injustice. She was the victim of an injustice! But I saw myself in her eyes. I didn’t like me. 

The morose blog

Sorry. I’ve just taken Lican to the airport. 

I’ve come back to an empty house. It’s beautiful here. And my bed is a mess and smells of Lican. So I should be feeling cheerful. 

But separating from Lican reminds me of the loss of my love. That hit me hard. I thought it was going to hurt, but it hurts worse than that. 

So I’m wandering round dressed in black like bloody Hamlet. I wouldn’t be writing this about myself, since drivelling on about being unhappy isn’t something I like to do. But I’m too scattered to write anything else at the moment. 

Probation Officer #201: Endgames 10

After I’d told Jock what had happened, I called Seth McGuinness. McGuinness isn’t important in this story: he’s just an honest detective who was working night shift at the time. I didn’t know him, but Jock did, and told me to call him. 

McGuinness heard me out, and said that technically Curnow wouldn’t be a missing person, if he disappeared, for another day or two. But in practice the cops would be looking out for him, starting now. He made a joke about Jock, so I made one about Maynard. I was grinning when I hung up.

McGuinness turned out to be the first cop I actually chose to talk to from time to time, for the fun of it. And because it was useful to have an ally over on their side. But as I said, that’s not in this story. 

The next morning I was at work early, because I hadn’t slept well. Ana was there at reception, waiting for me. 

Better to have loved and lost

People say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I guess it’s true. 

And I know that it’s an honour that Lican should think I’m the person who should teach her new dom how to manage and guide her.

But there’s loss, too. It means Lican will never again fly a thousand miles to see the local sights, I suppose, but mainly to get her ass smacked and fucked. I know that Lican and I were never a real possibility. We live far too far apart. My Spanish and her English were never good enough to let us truly relax together, except when we were doing sex.

Still and all and all, I can be philosophical about it, but it’s loss. I seem to have lost a lot, just a bit too much, lately. That’s probably about enough self-pity, for today. And the thing from yesterday, about the excellence of sex and love: that’s still true. 

A new Dom asked me for advice

Why I wrote this

A woman I know has found a new Dom, who hasn’t had any bdsm experience. He’s finding it hard to find the half-way point between martial arts levels of discipline and being too light. He asked me to give him some counsel, and I wrote him this. 

1 Know how happy and amazed you should be

dominanceThe trust and love of a submissive woman is pretty much the best thing in the world. You’re incredibly lucky and privileged to be well on the road to having it. At the same time, for your sake and hers, it’s important that she feels privileged to have such a strict but loving dom.

Now, she’s going to give you some rights over her that most women would be shocked to grant to a man. Her body becomes yours, to enjoy as you will. And you have the right to discipline her. The sensations that come from giving that kind of – sometimes painful – guidance and correction when she misbehaves, can be very intense.

2 You have duties

But you can’t ever forget what she’s giving you those rights for. She expects and wants certain things from you, including safety, a feeling of being loved and cared for, pleasure, and having enough leeway to be frilly and silly, and she needs fun and mischief. You want to enjoy her submission, and that’s only going to work in the longer term if she’s a happy girl.

So, she may surrender all her power to you, but there’s still a quid pro quo. You could spend an hour in which she sucks your cock, while you teach her how you like that done, and use the crop across her arse if she’s not enthusiastic enough. Theoretically you could keep that going for an evening, with a noticeable drop-off in enthusiasm but probably without too much complaint. Two evenings in a row, and you’re going to have a sulky girl who’s less fun to be around.

I’m not sure at what point she’d slam her door, with you on the outside of that door, but that point would come.

The point is that for all you’re in charge, and she’s surrendered to you, if you don’t meet her needs then eventually things won’t work so well.

 3  Discipline and a submissive girl

That brings us to discipline. It’s an important thing between a dom and his submissive. It’s one of the most important ways in which the dom sets limits for her, and establishes that those boundaries can’t be crossed without consequences. She will be happier with limits, and happy that you care enough to monitor whether she stays within them. Sometimes she won’t be very happy at all, while the punishment is proceeding. But your goal should be to make sure she can be happy shortly afterwards.

If she can be cheeky to you, within half an hour of getting the cane, then you’ve done well.

Why do you want her to be able to be cheeky to you? It’s because of what makes a submissive woman most satisfactory to be with. You don’t want her to be perfect, and you don’t want her so afraid that she’s always watching out that she never annoys you. The balance you want is a girl who knows that you’re in charge, but isn’t afraid of you.

She should be afraid of doing things that you have warned her will bring her a severe punishment, but she should know that that comes from your care for her: and she should be afraid only of the specified severe punishment, and not afraid of you. She should be clearly told in advance what things will lead to severe punishment. That means she should always be able to avoid it, with just a bit of care. 

So respecting you, loving you while accepting that she does as she’s told: those things require you to give her some discipline, but you also need to show her a lot of love.

Most of the time, a hand spanking over your knee will give her the guidance she needs. You keep spanking till you can hear that she’s not laughing any more, and it’s got through to her. But she’ll probably be playful and a bit cheeky again before the red has faded.

That’s okay. If she’s cheeky, then spank her some more – for the fun of it –  and she’ll find a way of making that the start of an amusing and sexy evening.

4  The balance

more dommySo it’s right to set clear rules and consequences, and it’s right that in some cases punishment should be harsh enough to make her remember and fear getting that consequence again. But most of the time you and your new submissive are dancing together. In that dance you’re in control, overall, but she should be able to be herself too, to please and amuse you. And she should be having fun.

So don’t be too harsh. Don’t let her get away with things too much, either; a good hard hand spanking over your knee will never do her any harm.

Above all, you don’t want to tame her too far, let alone break her will. Her little rebellions are part of your dance, and you’ll come to enjoy having to put down the occasional insurrection. With a smile on your lips and a song in your heart.

Finally, I hear that you’ve bought your first riding crop. Good, and I hope it sees a lot of use. But that little that tassel on the end of the crop? Most of the time, that’s the part of the crop you use. You can apply it to her most intimate places. You only use the shaft of the crop when you want to teach one of those harsh lessons I mentioned. 

Be careful, be loving, and always keep your sense of humour. Good luck!


Who the hell am I to say this?

I wrote that advice, above, because Lican has met a man. He’s not experienced in bdsm, but she thinks he’s a natural dom. But she’s worried because he reads things on the net, and he sometimes thinks he’s going to get absolute obedience from her and he’s going to base his disciplinary regime on stories he reads that are based on internet play and not reallity. 

She told him about me, and he asked me to write something for him. I’ve posted it here because I hope it might be useful to someone else, and because I’d be keen to hear comments.

The thing is, I’m not feeling like the man who knows everything at the moment. I know some things, but my heart is currently ripped to shit because the woman I love left me, and that’s still the most important fact in my life. (Bless Lican, but I don’t mean Lican.) No-one feels clever alone, with their heart ripped open. Still, the things I’ve written here are things I do know, for what that’s worth.  

Light work

shortsI have a guest from Argentina. Her name is Lican, and I’ve mentioned her before. We had an adventure together, a couple of years ago now. I was hoping her friend Angelica would be coming too, but not this time.

I never did tell her story very effectively, but a lot of it can’t be told at all. So I’ll tell it later, but I’ll have to fictionalise it a lot more than I did with what I wrote while it was actually happening.

Anyway, this means I’ll be spending the next two days with her, so blogging will be light.  

Probation Officer #200: Endgames 9

My house seemed quiet, if not entirely safe, once Curnow had gone. I finished the whisky I’d poured myself, wondering what had just happened. It seemed, though, that I believed Curnow, when he claimed that he hadn’t planted the baggie of coke in Ana’s room.

When he’d gone into Ana’s place he’d probably brought along a baggie of his own, ready to plant, but he’d found that one. He could take it into the station feeling like an honest cop. 

And I’d convinced Curnow that I hadn’t put that baggie in Ana’s room for him. He’d decided that I was more Machiavellian than I ever really managed, and that if I’d planted the drugs I’d have had six different ways of proving that I didn’t. Since I didn’t have anything, I must have been thinking that Curnow had planted the baggie. I could only think that if it hadn’t been me.

What was odd was how much that scared Curnow. I should probably be scared too, but I didn’t know who I should be scared of. I didn’t know anyone apart from Curnow who’d want to plant drugs on Ana. Or had it been to catch Curnow?

If Ana was the target, I was probably in danger too. If Curnow was the target, I probably wasn’t. Not that that helped at all. 

Curnow was a nasty man, but he was far from stupid. If he’d thought he was in danger, maybe he was right. If something happened to him and they re-traced his steps, they’d probably find out that he’d visited me. I didn’t want to be the person last known to have seen Curnow alive. 

It was nearly midnight, a bad time to call anyone. Jock wouldn’t be happy if I called the cops before I’d spoken to him. He wouldn’t be happy to hear from me at all, of course. For a second I considered a long distance call to Samoa, to talk to Sa’afia. I rejected calling Ana just as quickly. Poor Jock. I called him.  

Probation Officer #199: Endgames 8

Curnow stood up, but he walked away from me. He muttered, “shit.”

“Well, I didn’t have any coke to plant. I never have coke around. It’s boring. So there’s that.”

nightwindow“Oh, fuck off.” Curnow was staring out my window. 

“Still, I s’pose I could have gone out and got some. If none of you guys were watching me. And I could’ve put it under the floorboard after Jane had taken her photo. She probably wouldn’t have noticed.”

“You really got nothing? You didn’t even prepare a story?” There was nothing out my window, just a porch, a hedge, and the sides of the neighbours’ houses. You could hardly see the street. Curnow didn’t want me to see that I’d scared him. That only made sense if he was telling the truth. 

“If it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you … You’re in the shit, aren’t you?” I was still puzzled. Curnow wasn’t.

He didn’t look at me. “Thanks for the whisky.” He was already leaving, walking fast. He closed the front door quietly. 

Probation Officer #198: Endgames 7

“What, you’re saying you didn’t plant that dope on Ana? Bullshit.”

“And you think that if you act me some disbelief, that’s going to make me think you didn’t? That’s bullshit.”

“Oh, come on. It was you. I know it and you have to know it. But if it wasn’t you, that’d at least make it interesting. So we’ll pretend it wasn’t you and see where it goes. Well, it wasn’t Ana. Jane Siebel and I both saw that gap in the floorboards and there was nothing in there. The same day you found it there. Ana couldn’t have put anything there because she was at Kempff, Hsang and Cowper before Jane and I went to Ana’s place. There were people at Kempff’s watching her all afternoon.”

“Yeah. But she could’ve called someone, got them to do it for her.” 

cellphone“I thought you might be monitoring her phone. So I made her take the battery out straight after she called me. So you couldn’t track her. And when she got to Kempff’s they took her phone off her. She couldn’t use her phone, and she never used theirs.”

Curnow nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that figures. That leaves you, then.” 

“Crap. It leaves you. I’m glad we’re getting on and all, but, you know, you’re a crook. Right? You’ve planted drugs on people before. You threatened to rape Ana. And you needed to get leverage on her Dad. Of course you planted the dope. What’s this even about?”

“I found those fucking drugs in that bitch’s floor. I know I didn’t put them there. Look, I said tidying up after killing you would be too much like work, because you’ve got stuff that points to me stashed all over the place.”

“With different people. You’d never get all of it before they started looking for you.” I hadn’t done anything like that. So long as he thought I would have, it didn’t matter.

“Let’s say. But d’you think you could protect Ana from me, if you piss me off more than you’re doing right now? Jane Siebel? Your Mom?”

Cops and probation officers often deal with the aftermath, when someone insults someone’s mother. It’s a matter of honour to go insane with rage. It always seemed a bit silly. “Ah, you don’t want to kill my Mom. It’d just be embarrassing, know what I mean?”

“Huhn.” He looked at me, not liking what he saw. “Horseshit. It wouldn’t be embarrassing. You want me to explain death to you? You want to have to explain it to your family? Stop pretending you’re not scared; you’re shit at it. Convince me that you didn’t put that dope there. Or else admit that you did.” 

“Okay. Well, I can’t admit that I put it there, because I didn’t.” Then I thought about it. “Actually, I don’t think I can prove that, though. I’ve got nothing.”