Masturbation Monday: The right thing

I’d just used moral blackmail, talking about how she’d hurt me, to ensure she agreed to being punished. This was new territory for both us – I’d never punished a submissive before – but I was sure that talking about how she’d hurt me was wrong. So I’d apologised. 

But Emily shook her head. “No, I’m sorry, I really am. I’m so sorry. And … you should do it. Punish me. I want you to. Well.” So I held her again. Emily buried her head in my shoulder while I stroked her neck, feeling that I was, on the whole, a shit.

Eventually we stood apart, and I took the cane from her. We’d been here countless times. But never like with this meaning. I said, “All right, Emily, you’ve asked for this, and now you’re going to get it.” That was true. “I’m going to beat you. As you deserve.”

‘Deserve’ was weak; I wasn’t sure what it meant. But I bet Emily had liked ‘I’m going to beat you’; that had sounded ruthless. I added, “Take off your clothes. Everything, including your watch. Quickly.” 

Emily undid and shed yesterday’s party clothes. I knew she’d prefer to be bending over the bed, tied down so she didn’t have to hold still. She wouldn’t have that. When she was naked I pointed the cane at her feet. “Put your feet apart. Wider.”

Emily obeyed solemnly, hands at her sides. I touched the cane to her belly, then touched it to her mouth. “Kiss.”

Emily bestowed a blessing on the rattan, easily. It seemed that I’d hoped for more reluctance.

“Thank you. Now turn around, please, Emily, bend over and touch your toes.”

Emily obeyed the traditional instruction, jack-knifing her body and reaching down to assume that simplest and most submissive of postures, beloved by bonobos, actors pretending to be teachers in bad porn videos, and me. It’s a hard pose to sustain for ten strokes, but she’d managed before. The position is emotionally as well as physically exposed. That seemed right.

“Thank you, Emily.” Still polite. I pressed the cane to the undercurve of her bottom, so she knew where the first stroke was coming.  

I was enjoying Emily’s submission display – would I fuck her after I’d caned her? Of course I would – but I was aware of softer emotions that I hadn’t expected. I’d lost my anger. Emily was giving me an extraordinary amount of trust, and that meant I had to be loving and protective. I had to be worthy of her.

There seemed to be something I hadn’t expected in this, something loving. It wasn’t “parental” because Emily wasn’t at all childlike and anyway I don’t think adults should hit children. But I was calmer than I’d expected, and oddly certain that I was acting from love. I suspected that I might be doing the right thing. I raised the cane.

Emily closed her eyes tight. I let her wait while I considered how hard to strike. I knew this had to hurt her. I put some speed and force into the swing.

 

Harsh

Sometimes a slavegirl misbehaves. She was having trouble getting essays in on time. I’d worked round the clock that night, writing the appendices for her for a major project, that had to be handed in in the morning or it wouldn’t be accepted. She wrote the main section. 

So in the morning, when the completed project was emailed off, a minute before deadline,  I was not pleased. There was a discussion to be had, on why this had happened and how to stop it happening again. 

But first there was punishment. This photo is from about two-thirds of the way through. Later she needed to cry in my arms and be comforted, but first she needed the harshness.  

Tenderness and the harshness, and her need for both, are all expressions of love.

 

 

Tender

Every good submissive needs aftercare. After a punishment, or a session. 

The body is suspicious of pain. It wants to know why it hurts, and how to interpret that assault.

A submissive who’s been punished hard, or used hard, and now has welts and bruises, needs to know that he or she is loved and cared for, valuable and special. 

That has a practical reason. It prevents or at least limits sub drop, the state of self-doubt and depression that can come in and bring the submissive’s emotional and physical state down, after the landing from flying through sub space. It’s like an ecstasy reaction, and like the eccie hangover, it sometimes comes immediately the effect wears off, and sometimes it comes a couple of days later. 

So the Dom needs to give the submissive a lot of love and affection and tangible signs of caring, to reduce the drop, and give the submissive some things he or she can hold on to, and use to fight the negative feelings that can follow a session.

That obligation can’t be discharged in one session. Some submissives need immediate aftercare only, but others need immediate aftercare, and a second course one or two days later.

Tenderness is a crucial part of aftercare: the hugs, the soft, loving words, the treats, the warm bath where the dom shampoos the submissive’s hair, the love-making afterwards.

But it’s more than aftercare. I think, anecdotally, that all doms in a long-term bdsm relationship love their submissive. With the physical and emotional intensity of bdsm, and the awesome power of the submissive’s surrender, it’s hard not to.

Sometimes we show that love in a harsh, cruel way, knowing that the submissive needs our harshness in order to take flight. And sometimes we’re just tender, because that’s how we feel.  

Tenderness is kind of underrated in bdsm literature, especially the sexy porn literature. But in reality, it’s essential. 

Wicked Wednesday: Writhing, kicking and bawling

Jennifer heard me sigh. She knew I was appreciating the view she was giving me, over my lap. And she remembered why she was in that place. She said, “Please sir, please give me the slipper. Hard. Don’t show me any mercy, even if it blisters my bottom.”

Her voice was shaky, high-pitched, on ‘blisters my bottom’. She found that was a scary thought.

In reality I wasn’t going to raise any blisters, not on a first slippering. But a little fear would do her no harm. I said, “Good girl. You asked very nicely. And of course I shall.”

I placed the slipper on the crown of her left buttock, so she knew where the next wave of pain would arrive.

Then I raised it, drawing it up over my shoulder. Jennifer said, “Oooh,” when the slipper was gone. I let her wait while I counted, slowly, to five. Then I swept the slipper down, landing on her bottom with a solid, rubber on skin impact. The sound was louder than a pistol shot. Jennifer screamed, and her body stiffened.

I watched her fight for control, and brought the slipper down again. Both cheeks were showing a slipper-shaped mark, blossoming to a deeper red than the marks left by my hand.

Jennifer writhed and screamed and cried, her arms and legs flailing, while I held her in place and continued.

After the first six I concentrated on the softer skin of her lower bottom, and the volume and urgency of her cries escalated. I gave her the eleventh and twelfth strokes on the backs of her thighs, sending her frantic. She was weeping copiously, and the tears flew in the air as she wildly bobbed and shook her head.

I stopped after the twelfth stroke. “You’re halfway done, Jennifer, girl.” If she heard me she gave no sign, still writhing, kicking and bawling. I said, “Settle down, Jennifer. I’m allowing you this time to recover yourself. But you will be quiet and behave yourself.” Still no difference.

I let my voice become harder. “You lie still and keep quiet right now, Jennifer, or I’ll give you extra!”

That worked magic. She put her legs together and pressed her thighs down, over mine. She pressed her fingers on the carpet and pushed herself back a little, so her bottom was again in perfect position for me.

And she stopped her wailing, though the tears still flowed.

“Good girl,” I said. “Now, you have another dozen with the slipper to go. Plus six penalty strokes. Would you rather have them now, or come back to my office tomorrow to take them then?”

Jennifer froze. For a long time she said nothing. 

Masturbation Monday: How to say the wrong thing

Emily had just declared that she wanted to be punished. It sounded like an oath to me, so I added, “Being of sound mind, ekt.”

Emily looked, for a second, up at the ceiling. “Oh, utterly sound mind.” 

“Ok. Look, as far as I’m concerned, there are two things. You shouldn’t have let me wait till three in the morning before you called me. I’m going to punish you for that. So that’s, um, ten strokes tonight, for making me worry about you. Whether you were ok.”

Emily said, “Ok.”

“And Marty, the Marty … thing. You put yourself in danger. It was stupid, and I’m not going to let you do that again. So I’m giving you a dozen tomorrow, for putting yourself in danger. You were scared, and you scared the shit out of me. That is not going to happen again.”

She nodded, silent. I did some counting. “So you’ve got twenty-two strokes, over two days, and I think I’m being lenient. If it hurts, and I’m going to make sure it does, you’ve got it coming.” 

Emily nodded again, thoughtfully. She said, “I guess I do.” I’d given her more strokes than that before. It was on the severe side, but it wasn’t outlandish. I hadn’t mentioned infidelity, having sex with fucking Marty. Fucking Marty. That was on both our minds but we didn’t say it. We were both influenced by versions of feminism, in which jealousy was one of patriarchy’s darkest and most dangerous corners. We were trying to be cool about that. She said, “I suppose. I suppose that’s fair.”

“And you lied to me. That’s more. One more day. Another six.” That was cheating, increasing the number after Emily had agreed. But I’d said it without thinking, and once it was said the rules seemed to say that I couldn’t go back on it. I’d have to remember not to do that again. “So that’s what it’s going to be.”

“That’s a lot, Jaime. I don’t know if I should …” She shrugged, impatient with herself. “No, okay. When?”

“We start right now, Emily. Go get the cane. Bring it to me.”

Emily gazed at me, then nodded without speaking, and left. It seemed she didn’t call me “sir” when it was real. The canes were in a cupboard with other toys and tools in Emily’s room. She returned holding a thickish length of rattan, about four feet long. But she didn’t immediately offer it to me. “I don’t have to take this if I don’t want to.”

She meant to say that she was reaffirming her choice and her consent, but I misunderstood her. “No, you’re right. You don’t have to.” That was the right thing to say.

Then I said, “But you deserve it, Emily. You really deserve it.” That wasn’t so good; I’d thought that I wasn’t going to be a bully.

I followed with worse. “Emily, you lied to me. And you fucked that – you fucking hurt me, Emily.” 

Emily stopped. A tear spilled, began its trail. Then gleaming tracks down both cheeks. Emma wept silently, still holding the cane. I said, “Oh fuck, I’m sorry.”

Sinful Sunday: A terrifying transmogrification

 

 

One of the most dangerous things about being a European, particularly in the Celtic or Graeco-Roman traditions, is that one day you’ll be going about your business and then – wham! – you find yourself turning into a swan! 

We don’t hold with that nonsense in the Mountains. However, every so often swans transform into beautiful naked women. That seems like a better deal, to me. 

I managed to get a picture this swan right in the middle of its transmogrification. 

Why might left-wing people have more bdsm fantasies than right-wingers?

There was a study released a few days ago on the sexual fantasies of Americans. You can find a link to an article by the researcher here. The study took in 4,175 people across the 50 states, and asked them about people, places and things that turn them on. 

We won’t dwell on the “people” side of it, except to say that a lot of people wanted to fuck Sarah Palin, which is weird. So, IMHO, are the people who want to do Hillary. I was also surprised by the fact that Bill Clinton was fancied by more people than Obama. That’s got to be the weird American race barrier, because otherwise that seems kind of inexplicable.

Democrats fucking

Anyway, the interesting finding was that Republicans were more likely than Democrats to have fantasies about partner-swapping, orgies and other non-monogamous sex, while Democrats were more likely than Republicans to fantasise about bdsm. 

The article in Politico doesn’t tell us how the researcher, Justin Lehmiller, selected his sample. He also doesn’t tell us what the actual numerical differences were, between Republican and Democrat fantasies.

That’s why my heading includes the word “might”. Ordinarily I’d take the whole thing with a grain of salt, but I’m prepared to at least discuss it because it falls into the category of “possibly suss research that happens to fit in with my own anecdotal experience”.

Republicans fucking

Anyway, Lehmiller’s explanation for the difference he claims to have found is  the attraction of “taboo.” Republicans are big on “family values”, so non-monogamy is forbidden and hot, for them.

Democrats believe in equality so the inequality of dominant/submissive roles is forbidden and hot for them.

I don’t think that’s it.

In practice, bdsm isn’t the place you’d go if you want unequal relationships. You want “traditional patriarchal Christian marriage” for that shit. Bdsm insists on equality as a starting point, from which you negotiate unequal power, and it insists on explicit consent. And the power is never really unequal. If the submissive isn’t getting what he or she wants, their Dom will become their ex-Dom in about the time it takes to speak the words, “Fuck you!”

If you believe in clear consent, bdsm is one place you’ll find that. Someone could argue that that’s what draws left-wing people to bdsm. I suspect that only plays a minor role, though. 

But there are good reasons why conservatives don’t much like bdsm. In particular, bdsm is anti-authoritarian. In bdsm people play “power difference” for sexual pleasure. Conservatives tend to think that’s very disrespectful to the rightful authorities. Particularly men of the church, who prefer their power over sexual matters to be non-consensual and unquestioned.  

Anarcho-syndicalist giraffes are way sexier than either donkeys or elephants.

I think the reason why Democrats are more likely than Republicans to have bdsm fantasies is pretty much the opposite of Lemiller’s “taboo” theory. That is, social acceptance off bdsm is relatively new and it is still happening. But it’s got a firm toe-hold in the culture.

Just as Democrats were faster to pick up on gay rights and dignity issues, they are more likely to feel that governments should keep out of bdsm consensual sexual activity. In the process, they are making bdsm less taboo.

That is, Democrats are more likely to fantasise about bdsm hotness (if that’s the case; note reservations about the research) not because it’s their “forbidden”, but because for them it’s less forbidden.

Wicked Wednesday: Kiss the slipper

I watched while Jennifer crawled to the cupboard, and opened it. It was a cornucopia, for her, of instruments and devices meant to restrain her, to constrict her and to cause her pain. They told her about her future. Her eyes were wide open. She made no sound.

Her mouth was open too, but she was fascinated rather than frightened. She was a girl who’d admitted she needed discipline and direction, and these items were for just that. She found the slipper and reached for it. She held it in her hand, and looked at me; crawling on hands and knees back to me would be awkward.

I said, as if I was annoyed with her, “Hold it in your mouth, girl! And come here!”

I sat back in the chair where she’d had the first half of her spanking. Jennifer crawled towards me. Her eyes were blank; she was focussed within herself. I think she was lost in this new reality, where strange, painful but sexual things happened, and she could neither predict nor choose what they would be. That was terrible, and it was hot.

I took the slipper from her mouth and caressed her hair with my hand, as though she were a cat, or dog. I said, “Still on your knees, but upright girl. Up!”

Jennifer straightened her back. I brushed hair away from her face with my fingers. “How are you doing? I know your bottom hurts. It’s meant to, I’m afraid, and you deserve it. But are you all right? Emotionally?”

“Sir, that was terrible. Awful.” But her eyes were clear, and she didn’t seem to feel that ‘awful’ was such a bad thing. “I know I deserved it, sir. And I want to clean the slate. I was behaving… very badly. But it huuurt. It still hurts. And I’m afraid of what comes next. The slipper’s going to hurt even more, isn’t it?”

“Yes. It stings like fire, I’m afraid, Jennifer. It can raise blisters on your bottom. Literally. But you don’t get as many strokes.  I think two dozen will finish this. Perhaps more, if you don’t keep still for me.”

“I’ll try, sir. But it’s so hard not to try to get away. You spank very hard, sir. If the slipper’s worse than your hand, I may go out of my mind.”

I reached down to the kneeling girl, and drew her in for a hug. “You’re going to learn, little one, that a sore bottom motivates good behaviour and deters you from bad. No matter how much it hurts, it happens because I care about you, and your well-being.”

She looked down, her hair falling over her face. I brushed it away. “I know you care about me, sir. I can feel that even when it hurts so much I think I can’t bear it.”

“Well, this won’t be the last time I make your bottom sore. And you’ll learn something else, which is that getting a sore bottom, when you deserve one, isn’t the end of the world. Girls have been getting spankings for thousands of years, and yet there are still girls.”

She frowned at that, and her brow cleared when she realised I knew I was talking nonsense. She smiled, and wriggled forwards in my arms to kiss my neck.  “Well, I’m only one girl. Am I going to get thousands of spankings in one year?”

“Well, thousands means plural. Two thousand spankings would mean I have to spank you six times a day, every day.”

“That’s silly, sir!”

“Oh? Silly?” My voice suggested that she might be on dangerous ground.

“Of course. You’d only have to spank me five point four-seven times a day. Five and a half spankings, with rounding up.”

I laughed, and then she joined in, giggling at her own silliness. “All right, Jennifer. It’s time, girl. Kiss the slipper.” I held it to her lips. She kissed the rubber side warily. “Good girl. Now get over my lap, bottom up, head down, and ask me nicely to slipper you hard. Without mercy, even if your bottom blisters.”

The corners of her mouth fell. She remembered where she was, and that she would be crying again, like a baby, all too soon. But she placed herself lithely over my knee. This time she held my shin with both hands to steady herself, and her thighs were a little open, all primness forgotten. Her little pussy pouted at me, damp and plump from her own arousal, in that softest valley between her buttocks and her thighs. I sighed at the beauty of it, and of Jennifer.

Masturbation Monday: Just desserts

Punishing Emily seemed to be a hot idea. It was also terrifying. I’d no longer be able to rely on the politics that I’d put together to allow me to accept my sexual desires. I’d have to fly without a map, immediately, and work out something new.

She was less fussed about the politics than I was, because we both knew that in any discussion over sexism the woman is always right. I might have to flounder round, trying to come up with reasons, but she didn’t. And she had no reason to worry about getting the cane. She liked getting caned. If she didn’t get caned for this reason, there’d be another reason coming along soon enough.

It came down to this, for both of us: we could carry on being awkward with each other, or we could do something new and scary that meant we’d fuck and forgive. There were arguments for and against this, but the lust of it led in only one direction.

My face was cold, pale and sweaty as a slice of picnic chicken. Emily was as pale as she ever gets, a speckled brown egg. “Yeah, well. Suppose you punish me. Okay. What happens?”

I was used to pretending to be a disciplinarian. Actually being a disciplinarian, the real thing, was stranger and more emotional than I’d imagined. “I suppose … Well, I’d tell you to go and fetch the cane. You’d do as you’re told. And then I’d cane you. And … No, that’s it, really.”

A day ago, Emily might have said something like, “Oh no, sir, pleeease not the cane,” and we’d have taken the game from there. Instead she said, “Okay then.” She stared at a point on the floor, just before my feet.

“Emily, look at me.” Emily looked up, then cast her eyes down. I realised, relieved, that part of her was still play-acting. Sure, she was ashamed, and afraid of the cane, but she was also enjoying her humiliation, and hoping I’d make it worse. I could talk to both Emilys. “I’m giving you one last chance to decide, okay? This is the chance, right now. If you say, ‘Yes, I deserve the cane’, then we’ll start. But if you can say, ‘No, I don’t deserve to be caned,’ then we don’t start. Nothing happens.”

“Um. Well, what happens if I say I deserve it, but I still don’t want you to cane me?”

I hadn’t thought of that. “I’d be pissed off with you.” I shook my head. That was bullying. I’d feel better about this if I managed not to be a bully. “I mean, truthfully, I would be pissed off with you. I’m pissed off now. But I’d forgive and forget. It’d take a while but it wouldn’t take forever. So if you say nothing happens, then nothing happens.” 

“You wouldn’t leave me?” 

“Jesus, Emily! No, I won’t leave you. Absolutely not. Not matter what. I love you.” It was true, though I didn’t sound very loving.      

“Okay. I love you too. Um, what was I supposed to say?”

“Well, whatever the hell you’ve decided should happen. It’s your choice. Oh. Right, the words were: ‘Yes, I deserve the cane.’” 

“Ok. Yes, I, Emily Maria Viviani, deserve the cane. No, really; I totally fucked up. You absolutely should punish me. With the cane. I really deserve it. I need you to punish me. I know I do.”

Once she’d said that our world changed. I pretended not to feel the vertigo.