When a dom gives oral sex to their submissive, the submissive isn’t in control. They may be enjoying themselves, but they’re still subjected. They serve by giving over their body for the dom to lick them or suck them, but they do that to provide a conduit for the dom’s pleasure.
When the submissive gives their dom oral sex, the submissive is serving. Their kneeling or otherwise subservient position, their wearing of a collar or a leash, their nudity while the dom may be partly clothed, all signal their submissive status.
The odd thing, in bdsm, is that when the dom gives their submissive oral sex, the submissive is still serving.
The submissive provides his or her body for the dom’s use. It’s a more indulgent use of the submissive’s body than some of the things a dom may do to their submissive, but it’s still use.
The submissive’s reactions – whether or not they will get to come, for example – are controlled by their dom.
Their posture, their movements and their breathing are all controlled by the dam’s instructions, and by the pressure and the withdrawal of the dom’s mouth on the most sensitive parts of the submissive’s body.
The submissive’s body is the dom’s tongue-puppet.
I’m mainly talking about symbolism and rhetoric, which are unusually important in bdsm compared to other sexualities. The truth is that when I go down on my slavegirl, my main motivations are that I like her cunt and I love her, and I want her to feel good. But it’s hotter for both of us if she can submit to me as well as submitting to her physical pleasure.
So doms and submissives may perform exactly the same actions, and yet the imagery and meaning will be utterly different. There’s nothing either dom or sub, my mom would have said, but thinking makes it so.
[That’s the end of the bdsm and oral sex sequence. We’ll be getting back to the Raylene saga soon. Will she get more of the strap? Will she get publicly humiliated? Will she get that cup of tea she asked for? Watch this space.]