Probation officer #31: A pause

wantonI leaned back so my erection wasn’t pressing against her tummy. It was incredibly hard – I mean difficult – to think about anything but fucking her. But I had to tell her I still couldn’t fuck her, and that this was my problem and not hers. I began, “Ana? Ana!”

She mimicked, “Jaime? Jaime!” She was prepared to fuck me. She wasn’t prepared to take me seriously. Not that it was personal. She wasn’t prepared to take words seriously just then.  

I said, “Ana, you’re beautiful. I want to fuck you.” 

“Ahhh Jaime, you’re beautiful too. Beautiful Jaime. And I’m going to fuck your beautiful fucking brains out.” Ana nearly yelled that. 

I was supposed to have said “but”, after the bit about wanting to fuck her. I’d paused too long.

I couldn’t see a way out of this without hurting her and looking like pond scum. But if I fucked her I’d have to stop being her probation officer, and I’d started to think I was actually doing some good. When I explained why someone else would have to take Ana onto their caseload I’d stand a good chance of getting fired, and that wouldn’t be wrong. Well, I could get another job; I wouldn’t get back my self-respect quite so easily.

Far too late, I said, “But…” 

Probation officer #30: Music is her aeroplane, but so is eccy

Ana danced. I danced as straight white men do, connecting my bum to the bassline and trying to completely forget how stupid I looked. Which is as easy as deciding not to think about elephants for five minutes.

Still, I was useful from time to time in steadying Ana when she was about to topple. I’d get a reward of her laughing, sweating face, revealed and hidden by the flopping black mushroom of her hair. Her eyes alternately shone or disappeared under her hair, like searchlight beams in cloud. 

spinnerIt was important that I didn’t fuck her, I thought. She decided to hang on me like a hard-bodied, small-breasted little apron. So I span her around and round, so her feet were off the ground and she could fly. Ana said, “aeroplane!” and laughed uproariously. When I was too puffed and dizzy to continue she leant against me, panting and laughing.

I put my hands on her ass. Oh, to steady her. 

Ana kissed me, then kissed me like she meant it.

I remembered various things that were still true. I said, “oh fuck.”

Probation officer #7

I had no right to spank Ana, and it wasn’t my place even to be thinking about it. But I did have every right to be angry with her. She would be going back to court, with her brand new criminal offence. The charge was stupid, and no-one would have taken it to court if it wasn’t that a local cop felt annoyed because she hadn’t flirted with him. But the shoplifting made her arrest record another item longer. It put her back in danger of jail. Also, I’d told the judge she was very unlikely to reoffend, and she’d lasted six weeks. This stupid incident had  weakened my credibility with the judge, and that would affect other clients. 

So I needed to talk to her. The Probation Office was closed. I couldn’t talk at my place, or at her place. But the road to her place followed the river. I took another risk, and drove off the road at an old track I knew. Trucks went there to pick up shingle for the road, but it was a pretty spot if you drove on past the gravel piles, a little closer to the water.

Yeah, I'm relaxed. Why?

Yeah, I’m relaxed. Why?

I’d just had a sexual fantasy about her, and although I’d managed to suppress that set of thoughts, what I was doing now was stupid. I was so busy feeling righteous that it didn’t occur to me how going off-road and parking looked to her. I turned the van off and pulled the brake. Ana had one hand near the door handle. She was pretending to be relaxed but she was tensed and ready to run. I said, “Ana, for fuck’s sake, you’re going to listen to me.”

She decided the anger in my voice must mean I wasn’t going to try to fuck her. I was puzzled to see her relax when I shouted at her. I was being stupid.

I said, “Ana, you’re playing with the justice system like it’s, I don’t know, like it’s a cat. Like it’ll scratch your hand if you annoy it. But it can actually destroy you. It can fuck your life up. I mean, shop-lifting a fucking broach.”

“Hair clip. Like a butterfly.” 

“Whatever. You were being a fucking idiot. You’ve got to stop being a fucking idiot, right now.”