Probation officer #31: A pause

wantonI leaned back so my erection wasn’t pressing against her tummy. It was incredibly hard – I mean difficult – to think about anything but fucking her. But I had to tell her I still couldn’t fuck her, and that this was my problem and not hers. I began, “Ana? Ana!”

She mimicked, “Jaime? Jaime!” She was prepared to fuck me. She wasn’t prepared to take me seriously. Not that it was personal. She wasn’t prepared to take words seriously just then.  

I said, “Ana, you’re beautiful. I want to fuck you.” 

“Ahhh Jaime, you’re beautiful too. Beautiful Jaime. And I’m going to fuck your beautiful fucking brains out.” Ana nearly yelled that. 

I was supposed to have said “but”, after the bit about wanting to fuck her. I’d paused too long.

I couldn’t see a way out of this without hurting her and looking like pond scum. But if I fucked her I’d have to stop being her probation officer, and I’d started to think I was actually doing some good. When I explained why someone else would have to take Ana onto their caseload I’d stand a good chance of getting fired, and that wouldn’t be wrong. Well, I could get another job; I wouldn’t get back my self-respect quite so easily.

Far too late, I said, “But…” 

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