Sinful Sunday: All Whacked Out

Not a scoobie snack in sight. But if there were some, you could toast them on my loved girl’s lovely ass. 

And it’s amazing just how proud and loving you feel, after raising that heat.

And thanks to the lovely Zoe, beautiful of soul and ass, for modelling this pic.

Neck constriction, “choking” and death

The Guardian published a piece on sexual choking. It’s here

I’ve some reservations with it. For example it doesn’t distinguish clearly between two different phenomena: 

1. A lot of porn at the moment, particularly but not only bdsm porn, features choking, where one partner puts their hand on the other partner’s neck and constricts their breathing, and some people are imitating what they see; and 

2. Some husbands have murdered their wives, and their defence lawyer has argued that the murder was a “consensual kink session that accidentally went wrong”, as a defence. 

It’s unfortunate not to make that distinction, because in the second kind of case kink was not involved. In fact the defence lawyer and the mainstream media have worked together to blame an old-fashioned murder on alternative sexuality. 

I have some other problems, like the citing of anti-sexual minority and pro-censorship activist Gail Dines as an “expert” and as a “feminist”, when she is not in the habit of taking contrary evidence into account, and she is significantly opposed to the right of women to make sexual choices of which she disapproves. There are also questions about her relationship with the anti-abortion rights wing of the Christian Right. 

 

Anyway, I’m still pleased that the issue has come up. 

First, a personal statement. As a Dom, I simply don’t do choking. I’ve been a nurse (a psych nurse, but you get some basic medical training), and I know all the systems that run through the neck are delicate enough without people fucking with them deliberately.

I do know that it can be done safely. If it couldn’t, then the floors of all the bdsm porn studios would be littered with corpses. And they’re not.

Also, I know many submissives want to try it.

But personally, if someone wants to be choked, I’ll ruthlessly shove their face into a pillow, and check on them after, say, thirty seconds. No, seriously.

The neck grip strikes me as too risky to be fun.

The Guardian article talks about two, possibly three deaths. One was clearly a murder, while the other is perhaps more ambiguous. I know that in my native New Zealand there used to be about 6 deaths every year from erotic strangulation, though almost all of those were auto-asphyxiation, with no one else present. 

We simply have no way of telling:

  1. How many deaths are claimed to be because of “choking”, or erotic strangulation during sexual play; and
  2. Of those, how many were actually murders, in which the “sexual play” claim was simply a ruse to cover up a murder in which kink was not involved;
  3. And how many were genuine tragic accidents by people imitating a practice seen in erotica or talking about in magazines, who discovered in the most tragic way that when you constrict the neck, death can come too easily and too quickly. 

Now, I don’t think porn changes people’s character or degrades their general behaviour. But what it can do is mislead. If choking is shown as pleasurable to the person being choked, and as requiring no great level of skill or preparation, then a conscientious and well-meaning lover may decide to try it out.

That is, to claim the practice is only misogynist is to simplify human sexual behaviour. What it actually is, is more dangerous than many people realise.

By “dangerous” I mean you can reduce risk, with guidance and practice, but not eliminate it.

Within bdsm, we need more education. People who want to be doms, and want to do the things in sex that doms will do need certain information. For example: 

1 There are some submissives who do, in fact, enjoy careful choking play. However there are many others for whom it is a hard limit. That means they don’t want it, and to try it will break their trust in the dom who tries to include it into sexual play without consent. My guess, based on anecdote and not data, is that submissives who dislike and fear choking are more common than those who like it.

2 Therefore, it should only ever be done with prior discussion and consent. 

At the moment, bdsm porn is not doing well at communicating those ideas. Choking is fashionable. Porn has fashions, like the sudden appearance a few years ago of butt hooks. (About which I’m much more enthusiastic.)

Porn makers often behave ethically. An example is promoting condom use. Another example is how quickly the porn industry dropped star James Deen after credible complaints of sexual coercion were made against him. Similar moves in “mainstream” media have taken years, or even decades.  

The porn industry doesn’t bear most of the responsibility for the “fashionability” of choking. Cultures are influenced in many complicated ways. But it would be a big help if they stopped promoting it and presenting it as a safe activity that can casually be sprung on the partner, thereby enhancing their pleasure. 

There are safer options for forcing a partner to lose control of their breathing for a while, if that’s something they want: pillows, obviously, and even a big bowl of water. 

It’s probably time for choking, strangulations and choke holds to quietly fade out of porn, whether bdsm or mainstream. 

Wicked Wednesday: Maddie, Claire and a ruler

Claire had said she wanted to be fucked after her caning. I said, “Oh, I can guarantee that, sexy woman. Though the caning comes first.”

She nodded. “I’m a little scared. But I deserve it. I need it. I want to pay.”

“Claire. Just one thing. The cane hurts, but it’s also meant to take away pain. When I’ve caned someone, whether a student or a … woman who needs discipline–”

Claire smiled. “Like Maddie here. I bet she gets really bratty, if you leave too long a gap between her canings.”

“Maddie, fetch the ruler.”

“Yes, Master.” Claire glanced at her sharply. She’d heard the change in my title. Maddie gave Claire a kiss on the cheek, and turned away.

I kept my eyes on Claire. “The thing is, you get the cane to get forgiveness. It clears your record. You start again, with a line drawn under whatever it was you got caned for, and you behave better in future. But you know that you’re forgiven.”

“Yes… Sir.”

“More to the point, Claire, it’s one of the rules that you have to forgive yourself. Once you’ve been punished it’s dealt with. You’re not to go over and over it in your mind, and feeling guilty. It’s done. Done hard, and then over with. You move on with your life. Is that understood?”

“Yes, it is. But please do it hard, sir. I know I can forgive myself. But I need to hurt first.”

Maddie returned, the ruler resting on her outstretched hands. “The ruler, Master.”

“No, Maddie. It’s for you to use. Any time you feel Claire’s being cheeky to you, you have my permission to give her a good whack. Or three.”

Maddie touched the ruler to Claire’s pussy. “Thank you, sir.”

Claire stared at me. “I didn’t give you permission to let her…”

“And I didn’t ask for it. Maddie? Continue, please.”

Maddie smiled at Claire. “Just bend forward a bit, Claire, and put your hands on your knees.”

Claire frowned, and then obeyed, the chain between her clamps swinging merrily. It should have little bells on it, I thought irrelevantly.

Maddie placed the ruler across the crown of Claire’s bare bottom, delightful though a little plumper than her own. Claire closed her eyes and waited. Maddie raised the ruler and swung it in, sharply. Claire grunted as it landed, but it was plain it hadn’t hurt much.

Maddie said, “By the way, I’m nearly the same as you. Number of days since I was last caned: one. Don’t be afraid, Claire. It hurts when it’s happening, but it never lasts long. And some people quite like the heat, and, um, other sensations afterwards.”

“Thank you, Maddie. I believe it. May I get up now?”

“No. I think we’ll have you bending a little tighter for the next one. Also, I said you have really beautiful breasts, and I think both of us, I mean Master and I, want to watch them sway.”

 

 

Masturbation Monday: Vampires don’t fuck mundanes

Roland took his wallet from his pants, found a condom and put it on. He joined Teresa and pushed her shoulders back until she was lying full-length on the bed, on her back. He placed his toes towards the bottom end of the bed and took her hands, pushing them back to the mattress, above her head.

She sighed contentedly and lay back, raising her thighs to offer a comfortable place to ride, between pale, plump thighs. “I said fuck me, you.” She frowned. “What was your name again?”

He bit her right nipple. Not for her pleasure, though it felt good. “Roland. And at least I have the decency to know your name’s Teresa.”

She poked her tongue out at him again.

So, his hands holding hers down on the bed, he lowered himself onto her, his body straight like a man doing press-ups, until their faces were centimetres apart. He touched her forehead with his, while they stared into each other’s eyes. She tilted her face up and kissed him. He let his body sink onto hers.

But Teresa felt a perverse urge to make his life more complicated. She’d been too easy, and he seemed to be relying on scripts that had suited him with other women in these moments. She wanted to test him again. Suddenly she put her legs together and rolled out of his way.

She saw the shock in his eyes. Up to that moment she’d been sweetly inviting. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong, but he released her hands, and was ready to back away and get off the bed. She grinned at him, the fierce kind of grin, and said, “Vampires don’t fuck mundanes. Not… without a fight, anyway.”

So, Roland learned, the word for people who don’t really care about vampires except for desiring one girl who dressed as a vampire, is mundane. He was a mundane. She hoped he’d also learn that when sex was going well Teresa liked to fight and then lose. He probably wasn’t comfortable with games like that, because his life was easier when consent was clear.

He’d be uncomfortable with clouding it. But he had to deal with the woman he was with: Teresa wasn’t going to be generic.

But the struggle was what she wanted, so long as she lost it, and it seemed to her that what her cunt wanted is more important than what the political purist  might think and say.

She beat at his chest with her fists, like the heroine in some old black-and-white movie. But she was careful not to hit his face or bollocks or anywhere else that mattered. She didn’t want to discourage him.

 

Bound for glory

I don’t do bondage often, and it shows. It’s functional rather than elegant, when I do it. I prefer the submissive to stay in her place because she’s giving me her obedience, not because she can’t move. Choice, to me, is incredibly sexy.

But I learned, with time, that bondage allows the submissive to go into a mental place, with the brain doing alpha waves, which is different from subspace but very close to it. It’s the space next door, and it’s a place she likes to be, sometimes. 

So, if she’s been good, a submissive gets to go there. I have ropes.

 

E{lust} 120: Duets in the sun

Elust 120

Photo courtesy of Purple’s Gem

Welcome to Elust 120

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #119? Start with the rules, come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

In full swing

The Hunter

[Sexuality] The Pain of Tolerance

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

First Ritual

Being Overlooked

Erotic Non-Fiction
Interlude
Piercings – His and Hers
Ever had your skirt fall off while walking
Tiny Man-Clit Meets The Bigdownunder

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish
Frustrated Whimpers

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
Surviving Toxicity
How To Have Sex When You Live At Home
When life gets in the way
George Clooney said I looked like Geena Davis
Fuck You Dad
I guess it feels a little wierd now

Erotic Fiction
Natalie’s New Friend
Kneel before me
Lasshole fucker 4
Deep Impact

Elust

Wicked Wednesday: Resetting the calendar

Now we were fucking, cock to mouth, and I could feel tension and pleasure surging in me, wanting to overflow. I said, “Do you have an objection to swallowing?”

She took a second to understand the question, and she looked at me as if I was mad. Why would she object to swallowing? Why would it be up to her anyway? It seemed I was being too careful.

So I pulled her hair harder and held her face tight against me.

I came at last. She made an odd sound, something like “Lloorb”, when I flooded her mouth with salty fluid, and she swallowed, taking every drop into herself.

I slowed, breathing hard, and Claire continued to lick and suck, while I pumped her mouth, savoring those last moments of pleasure. She continued to work me, staring up into my eyes. I smiled down at her. “Good girl, Claire. You did very well. Thank you.” Then I withdrew from her mouth. “Put my cock back in my underpants, and zip me up, Claire.”

She was surprised. Most men in her life, so far, had done that for themselves. She’d experienced brutality, I felt, and abandonment, but never servitude. Servitude was, it seemed to me, something she was wired to enjoy very much. She said, “Yes, sir”, because she’d heard Maddie say that when given an order, and obeyed.

I grinned down at her and held out my hand, helping her up as if from an unusually deep curtsy. Her breasts, and the chain between the nipple clamps, bobbed appealingly. When she was standing I put my arms round her. I beckoned to Maddie, and she came and joined the hug.

We swayed together, the three of us. I sensed that Claire was happy, and her attention was somewhere inside herself at that moment. I looked at her until she returned and smiled back at me. “When did you last suck a cock, Claire?”

She smiled a little sadly. “My husband’s friend. About a year ago.” Then she smiled without sadness.

“Then we’ve re-set the calendar: Days since Claire sucked cock: O.”

She laughed a little. “Days since I’ve been fucked; I hope that re-sets too.”

Masturbation Monday: Baby bird

Teresa put her arms around his shoulders while they kissed, then dropped her hands to hold his arse. She paid him no compliments, though she felt them, but she expressed those by kissing him. He pushed the robe off her shoulder and she shrugged, to let it fall.

He put his hands below her corset, to hold her bottom. He said, “Did I mention that your arse is perfect, generous like your breasts, but muscled: exactly the right mix of firmness and softness?”

“No, not in those words. Which you put way too much thought into. But I’m glad you like my arse. Oh!” His cock pressed against her belly, constricted by jeans. She let the kiss continue, but at last she said, “You’re still dressed.”

She meant it as an accusation. He took his jacket off and tossed it onto one of her chairs, but let his shirt drop to the floor after he’d pulled it over his shoulders and off. He undid his jeans and looked at his belt, considering. Again, Teresa wondered if he’d looked at her one-handed reading matter. But he left it in its loops and dropped and stepped out of his pants.

Teresa was a goth, so she kept her corset on during sex. Roland was a civilian; he could simply be naked, and he was. His cock pointed straight at her, and she took it in her hands, holding it like a baby bird, stroking lightly.  His voice was not honeyed, like Julian the billionaire’s, though it was a little impatient when he said, “Bed, girl.”

She turned to close her curtains, allowing him to admire her bottom – she wondered if he’d noted the squash racket in one corner – then sat on the bed. She beckoned him. As though he were a pet and she had a treat. But he came closer, to stand in front of her.

He stood over her, holding her shoulders, cock pointing in the general direction of her mouth. Teresa kissed the head approvingly, and opened to take him in. He was hard, with soft skin, and she gave him a warm, wet harbour, devoted to his pleasure. His hands tightened on her shoulders.

But at last she drew her head back and released his cock. Still sitting on the bed she put her hands on his arse, pulling him forward. “Darling, I like everything about sucking cock. Really, I do. Especially your cock, I promise you that. And I’m looking forward to swallowing your come. Also seriously. But right now, if it’s ok with you, I just want you to fuck me.”

Sinful Sunday: Pretty! Poetry!

Poetry is what happens is when you’ve had an emotional, moving experience, and then you are able to return to that state in memory, while you’ve not moved by the experience because it isn’t happening any more. That’s what Wordsworth said, anyway: “Poetry is emotion reflected in tranquillity.”

 This is that blissful state. The peace that comes after the storm, and a lovely, calm poet. 

Share Our Shit Saturday: I’ve Seen All Good People

Twitter shadowbans people who write about sex. They want to shut us up, and shut us down. One reaction to this is for people to share their shit: to sing out and give links to other erotic writers, usually on a Saturday.

“Shadowban” is a Twitter thing. It means that people can still post, so they think they’re still in the conversation. But other people can’t see their tweets, so they’re banned without knowing it.

A Quick Personal Note:

I have the honour to be Shadowbanned myself, though my stuff is pretty humanist and harmless. But if you’re interested in following me, and finding some bad jokes, reverse sledging (where you say nice things about people), occasional political rants, plus the tolerable erotica, I’m @jaimemortimer . Follow me!

Ok, that’s enough about me. Here are some other great erotic bloggers!

Something sexy from Sex Bog of Sorts (in Australia, a “sort” is a person you’d really want to fuck, so it’s a well named blog, antipodeally speaking):

Here

An embellished reminiscence of posing for men’s mags, by Posy Churchgate:

Here

And from Marie Rebelle, one of the best people on the internet, who does so much to  make us erotic writers a community, a sexy story:

Here

A nice loving, sexy story from Asrai Devin

Here

From the wonderful May More, who gives you more, here’s evidence that Jesus is coming:

Here

A story from Cousin Pons, about the healing power of good people having sex:

Here