Why might left-wing people have more bdsm fantasies than right-wingers?

There was a study released a few days ago on the sexual fantasies of Americans. You can find a link to an article by the researcher here. The study took in 4,175 people across the 50 states, and asked them about people, places and things that turn them on. 

We won’t dwell on the “people” side of it, except to say that a lot of people wanted to fuck Sarah Palin, which is weird. So, IMHO, are the people who want to do Hillary. I was also surprised by the fact that Bill Clinton was fancied by more people than Obama. That’s got to be the weird American race barrier, because otherwise that seems kind of inexplicable.

Democrats fucking

Anyway, the interesting finding was that Republicans were more likely than Democrats to have fantasies about partner-swapping, orgies and other non-monogamous sex, while Democrats were more likely than Republicans to fantasise about bdsm. 

The article in Politico doesn’t tell us how the researcher, Justin Lehmiller, selected his sample. He also doesn’t tell us what the actual numerical differences were, between Republican and Democrat fantasies.

That’s why my heading includes the word “might”. Ordinarily I’d take the whole thing with a grain of salt, but I’m prepared to at least discuss it because it falls into the category of “possibly suss research that happens to fit in with my own anecdotal experience”.

Republicans fucking

Anyway, Lehmiller’s explanation for the difference he claims to have found is  the attraction of “taboo.” Republicans are big on “family values”, so non-monogamy is forbidden and hot, for them.

Democrats believe in equality so the inequality of dominant/submissive roles is forbidden and hot for them.

I don’t think that’s it.

In practice, bdsm isn’t the place you’d go if you want unequal relationships. You want “traditional patriarchal Christian marriage” for that shit. Bdsm insists on equality as a starting point, from which you negotiate unequal power, and it insists on explicit consent. And the power is never really unequal. If the submissive isn’t getting what he or she wants, their Dom will become their ex-Dom in about the time it takes to speak the words, “Fuck you!”

If you believe in clear consent, bdsm is one place you’ll find that. Someone could argue that that’s what draws left-wing people to bdsm. I suspect that only plays a minor role, though. 

But there are good reasons why conservatives don’t much like bdsm. In particular, bdsm is anti-authoritarian. In bdsm people play “power difference” for sexual pleasure. Conservatives tend to think that’s very disrespectful to the rightful authorities. Particularly men of the church, who prefer their power over sexual matters to be non-consensual and unquestioned.  

Anarcho-syndicalist giraffes are way sexier than either donkeys or elephants.

I think the reason why Democrats are more likely than Republicans to have bdsm fantasies is pretty much the opposite of Lemiller’s “taboo” theory. That is, social acceptance off bdsm is relatively new and it is still happening. But it’s got a firm toe-hold in the culture.

Just as Democrats were faster to pick up on gay rights and dignity issues, they are more likely to feel that governments should keep out of bdsm consensual sexual activity. In the process, they are making bdsm less taboo.

That is, Democrats are more likely to fantasise about bdsm hotness (if that’s the case; note reservations about the research) not because it’s their “forbidden”, but because for them it’s less forbidden.

Wicked Wednesday: Kiss the slipper

I watched while Jennifer crawled to the cupboard, and opened it. It was a cornucopia, for her, of instruments and devices meant to restrain her, to constrict her and to cause her pain. They told her about her future. Her eyes were wide open. She made no sound.

Her mouth was open too, but she was fascinated rather than frightened. She was a girl who’d admitted she needed discipline and direction, and these items were for just that. She found the slipper and reached for it. She held it in her hand, and looked at me; crawling on hands and knees back to me would be awkward.

I said, as if I was annoyed with her, “Hold it in your mouth, girl! And come here!”

I sat back in the chair where she’d had the first half of her spanking. Jennifer crawled towards me. Her eyes were blank; she was focussed within herself. I think she was lost in this new reality, where strange, painful but sexual things happened, and she could neither predict nor choose what they would be. That was terrible, and it was hot.

I took the slipper from her mouth and caressed her hair with my hand, as though she were a cat, or dog. I said, “Still on your knees, but upright girl. Up!”

Jennifer straightened her back. I brushed hair away from her face with my fingers. “How are you doing? I know your bottom hurts. It’s meant to, I’m afraid, and you deserve it. But are you all right? Emotionally?”

“Sir, that was terrible. Awful.” But her eyes were clear, and she didn’t seem to feel that ‘awful’ was such a bad thing. “I know I deserved it, sir. And I want to clean the slate. I was behaving… very badly. But it huuurt. It still hurts. And I’m afraid of what comes next. The slipper’s going to hurt even more, isn’t it?”

“Yes. It stings like fire, I’m afraid, Jennifer. It can raise blisters on your bottom. Literally. But you don’t get as many strokes.  I think two dozen will finish this. Perhaps more, if you don’t keep still for me.”

“I’ll try, sir. But it’s so hard not to try to get away. You spank very hard, sir. If the slipper’s worse than your hand, I may go out of my mind.”

I reached down to the kneeling girl, and drew her in for a hug. “You’re going to learn, little one, that a sore bottom motivates good behaviour and deters you from bad. No matter how much it hurts, it happens because I care about you, and your well-being.”

She looked down, her hair falling over her face. I brushed it away. “I know you care about me, sir. I can feel that even when it hurts so much I think I can’t bear it.”

“Well, this won’t be the last time I make your bottom sore. And you’ll learn something else, which is that getting a sore bottom, when you deserve one, isn’t the end of the world. Girls have been getting spankings for thousands of years, and yet there are still girls.”

She frowned at that, and her brow cleared when she realised I knew I was talking nonsense. She smiled, and wriggled forwards in my arms to kiss my neck.  “Well, I’m only one girl. Am I going to get thousands of spankings in one year?”

“Well, thousands means plural. Two thousand spankings would mean I have to spank you six times a day, every day.”

“That’s silly, sir!”

“Oh? Silly?” My voice suggested that she might be on dangerous ground.

“Of course. You’d only have to spank me five point four-seven times a day. Five and a half spankings, with rounding up.”

I laughed, and then she joined in, giggling at her own silliness. “All right, Jennifer. It’s time, girl. Kiss the slipper.” I held it to her lips. She kissed the rubber side warily. “Good girl. Now get over my lap, bottom up, head down, and ask me nicely to slipper you hard. Without mercy, even if your bottom blisters.”

The corners of her mouth fell. She remembered where she was, and that she would be crying again, like a baby, all too soon. But she placed herself lithely over my knee. This time she held my shin with both hands to steady herself, and her thighs were a little open, all primness forgotten. Her little pussy pouted at me, damp and plump from her own arousal, in that softest valley between her buttocks and her thighs. I sighed at the beauty of it, and of Jennifer.

Masturbation Monday: Just desserts

Punishing Emily seemed to be a hot idea. It was also terrifying. I’d no longer be able to rely on the politics that I’d put together to allow me to accept my sexual desires. I’d have to fly without a map, immediately, and work out something new.

She was less fussed about the politics than I was, because we both knew that in any discussion over sexism the woman is always right. I might have to flounder round, trying to come up with reasons, but she didn’t. And she had no reason to worry about getting the cane. She liked getting caned. If she didn’t get caned for this reason, there’d be another reason coming along soon enough.

It came down to this, for both of us: we could carry on being awkward with each other, or we could do something new and scary that meant we’d fuck and forgive. There were arguments for and against this, but the lust of it led in only one direction.

My face was cold, pale and sweaty as a slice of picnic chicken. Emily was as pale as she ever gets, a speckled brown egg. “Yeah, well. Suppose you punish me. Okay. What happens?”

I was used to pretending to be a disciplinarian. Actually being a disciplinarian, the real thing, was stranger and more emotional than I’d imagined. “I suppose … Well, I’d tell you to go and fetch the cane. You’d do as you’re told. And then I’d cane you. And … No, that’s it, really.”

A day ago, Emily might have said something like, “Oh no, sir, pleeease not the cane,” and we’d have taken the game from there. Instead she said, “Okay then.” She stared at a point on the floor, just before my feet.

“Emily, look at me.” Emily looked up, then cast her eyes down. I realised, relieved, that part of her was still play-acting. Sure, she was ashamed, and afraid of the cane, but she was also enjoying her humiliation, and hoping I’d make it worse. I could talk to both Emilys. “I’m giving you one last chance to decide, okay? This is the chance, right now. If you say, ‘Yes, I deserve the cane’, then we’ll start. But if you can say, ‘No, I don’t deserve to be caned,’ then we don’t start. Nothing happens.”

“Um. Well, what happens if I say I deserve it, but I still don’t want you to cane me?”

I hadn’t thought of that. “I’d be pissed off with you.” I shook my head. That was bullying. I’d feel better about this if I managed not to be a bully. “I mean, truthfully, I would be pissed off with you. I’m pissed off now. But I’d forgive and forget. It’d take a while but it wouldn’t take forever. So if you say nothing happens, then nothing happens.” 

“You wouldn’t leave me?” 

“Jesus, Emily! No, I won’t leave you. Absolutely not. Not matter what. I love you.” It was true, though I didn’t sound very loving.      

“Okay. I love you too. Um, what was I supposed to say?”

“Well, whatever the hell you’ve decided should happen. It’s your choice. Oh. Right, the words were: ‘Yes, I deserve the cane.’” 

“Ok. Yes, I, Emily Maria Viviani, deserve the cane. No, really; I totally fucked up. You absolutely should punish me. With the cane. I really deserve it. I need you to punish me. I know I do.”

Once she’d said that our world changed. I pretended not to feel the vertigo. 

The responsibilities of fictional characters in erotica

A lot of people have attacked the fictional character Christian Grey for being a bad dom. Of course, he’d be a terrible dom if he was real. He stalks lip-biting inner-goddess Anastasia, spanks her and takes a strap to her arse, all without her consent. 

I’m sure he behaved badly in the second two books as well, but I haven’t been able to read them. Call me a snob and call me a cab, but after skimming Volume One I was out of there. 

If Christian Grey were a real person bdsm communities would have warnings about him, for his weird, unethical and non-consensual behaviour. He’d finish up getting charged with assault and being in the centre of a massive media scandal: “Billionaire in kinky love-nest rape!” That sort of thing.

However, as a fictional character his behaviour is a lot better. He’s made a lot more women come, with Fifty Shades in one hand and their bits in the other, than any thousand real doms combined. Even if you include me. That’s a significant contribution to human happiness, and you can’t ignore it.

As a fictional character, my main criticism of Christian Grey is that he doesn’t do nearly enough spanking and commanding and binding the Anastasia of Steel. I skimmed Fifty Shades Freed looking for the bdsm scenes so I could critique them, but I never found any. I’m sure I just didn’t look hard enough.  

In the interminable schoolgirl spanking saga I’m writing, there are two headmasters, and they initiate certain of their students into various kinky sexual practises. Obviously, if they were real and lived in our world, they’d both belong in jail.

They’re not breaking age-of-consent laws, and the age gap between them and their charges isn’t all that great: about eight years.

But they’re in a position of authority and there’s no question at all that they’re misusing their authority in ways that, uh, conflict with the criminal code in any civilised society. 

On the other hand, these two imaginary men are written to give pleasure to their readers, and my impression is that my spanking headmasters, like the “naughty schoolgirl” scenario itself, appeal particularly to a female audience. I am that audience’s humble servant. 

There is, eventually, a happy ending to the Jennifer-and-Maddie saga, but at the rate at which time moves in my stories, that ending will probably arrive some time in 2021. In the meantime, my point is, I’m happy to write it and make it as sexy as possible. While being fervently against corporal punishment and sex between teachers and students in the real world. 

 

I’m not saying that fictional characters have no ethical requirements at all. We erotica writers who consider ourselves to be on the side of the angels (especially the sexy, spankable, fuckable angels) don’t write bestiality, or eroticise rape, or write scenarios involving people under eighteen, though the age of consent where I live is sixteen.

But still, there is a difference, a space, between fantasy and real life, and it’s a space that erotica writers spend a lot of time in. It’s fluid and it’s complex, like the best sex, and we need to defend our freedom to have erotic fantasies that are perfectly sexy without necessarily being perfectly ethical.

We know the difference between fiction and fantasy, on the one hand, and the real world, in the other.

We need to take action in the real world to challenge the beliefs and indulgences that make it far too easy for men to rape and get away with it, and to give support to organisations that support women who’ve been subjected to rape and other violence.

At the same time, we need to defend our right to have erotic fantasies, and to share them with others.

Erotica is a powerful tool for improving human happiness, and for helping people to find and explore their own erotic selves without censorship or condemnation. 

Pleasure is, at least, undervalued. It shouldn’t be shamed.

Wicked Wednesday: Hands and knees

I’d asked Jennifer if she was working her way back to being a good girl. Jennifer took nearly twenty seconds to respond. Her head shook, but she decided to keep her nose to the corner. “Yes, sir, I hope so.”

I smiled at Maddie, almost awed at Jennifer’s complicity. Maddie grinned. She knew what that had cost Jennifer, and how happy it had made me. She said, “But she’s not quite a good girl yet, is she?”

“No, not quite. She has a little way to go. I’m sure you’ll hear some more crying shortly. But she’ll be fine.” Jennifer made another little sound in her throat. She was shaking now, and about to cry again.

“If you need me to hold her down…”

“Oh, I think Jennifer knows better than to try to get up. Don’t you, Jennifer?”

There was a longer gap. And there were sobs again. At last she said, with phlegm in her voice, “Yes, sir. I will be good. You know that.”

Maddie and I exchanged smiles. Maddie had caught some of my admiration for this girl. She said, “I’ll hunt out that draft. Do I bring it in even if you’re dealing with Jennifer?”

That seemed a powerfully erotic possibility. A confrontation between the two of them while Jennifer was under the intimacy of discipline. But I said, “No, I think we’ll allow Jennifer some privacy while she’s finishing her punishment. I’ll send for you when I’ve finished.”

Another muffled sound from Jennifer. The tears were coursing down her cheeks again. I stood up. “”Jennifer.”

“Sir?”

“Come here. And Maddie, that’s all for now.” But Maddie watched poor scarlet-bottomed, scarlet-faced Jennifer get up and totter towards me. When I’d caught Jennifer in my arms and embraced her she left.

Jennifer, in my arms, looked up at me. “Sir. I try to be a good girl. I know I deserve punishment. And I know I need… direction.” I brushed the tears from her cheeks with my right hand.

I smiled at her. She tried to smile back, but she was a sad, spanked, humiliated girl. “But it’s so much. It’s so new for me. What… What’s next, sir?”

I put my hand on her poor blazing bottom, and let my fingers press low, between her buttocks, nearly – almost – touching her pussy. I held her tight, and kissed her forehead.  She buried her head in the crook of my right arm, and relaxed there. We both wanted more than we could give each other at that moment. Waiting was hard, for both of us, but it was good, too. I kissed her forehead again and she moaned, but it was a far, far happier sound.

“Do you see the cupboard behind my desk?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I want you to go to it now, and open it. You’ll see a lot of things designed for naughty girls like you: canes, paddles, straps and more.”

“Sir?”

“Just a moment.” I made her take a step back, and undid the two bottom buttons of her school blouse. I pulled the tails to the front and tied them, above her hipbones, so they couldn’t come down and interrupt what was to come.

“Now, Jennifer, go to the cupboard. You’ll see it’s full of what are called instruments of discipline.” She nodded, awed. “You’ll get to know most of the things in there, and what they’re for, over the next year or so. But I want you to find the slipper. A man’s slipper. It’s an old one of mine, actually. It’s got a plaid pattern, and a rubber sole. Fetch that, and bring it to me.”

Jennifer turned to the cupboard. I smacked her bottom sharply, and she yelped, putting her hands where I’d smacked. “No, girl, you don’t walk. On your hands and knees, Jennifer.” I smacked her poor sensitive bottom again, getting another yelp. “Go!” 

Masturbation Monday: Real-world consequences

For a second Emily didn’t react. Then she jolted, as if she’d been hit by an invisible tennis ball. She blushed, equally suddenly, and looked away. “Oh,” she said. “Oh.” She turned back to look into my eyes. “I don’t know, Jaime.”

“You asked me to cane you. If I caught you smoking?”

But she saw the doubt in my face. “Well, yes… But that was then. Anyway, Jaime, you said you wouldn’t. You said you can’t punish me just because I do something you think is wrong.” This was true. I’d turned her down, with self-admiration. “Remember?” 

“And you said you wanted me to punish you when you fucked up. That was just about smoking. Well hell, Emily, this is bigger than that.”

Emily would’ve gone on apologising forever, and I’d have gone on making her feel worse while acting as if I was being nice, also forever. That would be boring. This was dramatic.

One thing we’d learned together was that we had a mutual taste for drama.

“I haven’t given you the right, Jaime. Not for this.” 

“I think I should punish you.” Emily frowned. She knew I wasn’t convinced of that. “Well, what do you think? Do you think you deserve it?”

“Of course.” That was dismissive. “Well, okay. Yes, I do. I was really stupid. And I was mean. I hurt you. Of course.” That was less dismissive. “I’d deserve anything you did to me. Well, to my ass, anyway. But that’s not the point, Jaime. You said you wouldn’t punish me for real things. Not for real. You said you couldn’t. We’re supposed to be equals.”

“It’s your choice. We’d be equals if you choose it.”

“So you’d punish me for fucking another guy. But you’d want me to ask you to first. You’re saying that would make us still equals?”

“Um. Well, it’s your choice. And it wouldn’t just be for fucking Marty.”

“Oh, because you’re too high-minded to be jealous.”

“I never said that.”

“Jaime, you’ve got every right to be mad at me. And you are angry with me, you know you are.”

“Okay. That’s true.”

“So, I say I’m a bad girl and then you cane me. Only difference is that this time it’s real.”  

“It’d be real.” I hadn’t changed my mind about the politics: I didn’t believe any adult has a right to tell another adult what to do, let alone punish that adult. Everything I felt about sexual politics, plus my basic anarchism, was against it. But this wasn’t between citizens. It was between Emily and me, and though we weren’t open about it, it was about sex as much as justice. 

She sank to her knees. She wasn’t pleading. Not to be let off. We looked at each other, with nothing new to say. It helped that I knew that Emily wanted and intended to lose this argument.

She didn’t exactly want the cane, but she wanted to have been caned.

Then she wouldn’t be in the wrong any more. Neither of us liked occupying the moral low ground. Punishment would make her good again: I’d have forgiven her, and more importantly she could forgive herself.

But I was certain that her real reason was the same as mine: sex. It had been one thing to play dominance and submission games. But this was about making my dominance and her submission real, with real-world consequences. That seemed hot.

E[lust] 111: The number for erotic emergencies!

A leap of faith Elust 111 header
Photo courtesy of A Leap of Faith

Welcome to Elust 111

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #112? Start with the rules, come back November 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

The Promotion

Getting Lost in a Good Book

Hatefuck

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Demonised

9 Things New Sex Bloggers Need to Know

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Tales

Erotic Fiction

After the Party : Cleaner Close #7
Denna and her convenient pervert
Finally Together
Slut Escritoire ||| back to school
Key to Room 237: Freya – Darker Side of Love
sexy maid
Playing God
Liminal State

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Give me a break
Getting Off on Post Orgasm Torture
Public Displays of Chastity?
PLEASE – wanting it
Shit at casual
Thrill of the outdoors

Erotic Non-Fiction

Submission
Tell me how it feels.
New Realities

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Finding my adopted roots
Talking Wholesome Queer Erotic Art with Wren

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

No such thing as an ending.

Poetry

-02.10.18_23:28-
Lusty Limerick: Dress for Success<
 

Elust

Wicked Wednesday: Nose to the wall

I knew Jennifer thought her spanking was over. She’d heard me say she’d been a good girl during her punishment, and hadn’t processed that I’d said, so far. She was in for a mild surprise. But I patted her prettily red bottom, and said, ““You can roll off, now, little one. Good precious girl. Kneel between my knees.”

Jennifer moaned. Her body was hard to move, and painful. But she lowered her knees to the carpet, and looked up at me. A more experienced girl would probably have directed her attention to my cock at that moment. It was a tent-peg in my trousers, as blatant in my need as she’d been in hers. But Jennifer paid my cock no attention, neither as sexual prize nor threat. Instead she looked at my face and snuffled again, tears still descending down her cheeks.

“I know what you mean, now, sir. When you said I really won’t do it again, once I’ve been punished for it. I really won’t forget now, sir.”

I smiled down at her, and cupped her face fondly. “You’ve been a good, brave girl, so far.”

This time she heard it. “So far?”

“Yes, little Jennifer. You’re at the halfway point. I want this to be a body memory for you.”

“Oh, sir. My body will certainly remember this!” That was a flash of humour. She’d already recovered a little.

“Yes. But my work isn’t done yet, pretty Jennifer. And I’m afraid nor is your lesson.”

“Oh, sir. I really hurt!”

I handed her a handful of tissues. “Blow your nose now, Jennifer. And dry your eyes.” She took the tissues gratefully and honked into them as decorously as she could. “Good girl!” I said when she finished. I took them from her and tossed them into the bin behind my desk.

She looked up at me, waiting to be told what to do. She’d noticed my cock. She hoped, I think, that my next order might involve her doing something about that. I suppose she’d read about fellatio, and heard other girls talk about it. If that had been my order I believe she’d have obeyed with relief, and I’d have come in her mouth in less than a minute. But it was too early to lead her into direct, unambiguous sexual activity.

I said, “Get up now, little one. Go and stand in the corner, nose right in the corner with you. Hands on head!”

“Sir.” She got to her feet, and walked to the corner. She stayed there, red bottom and thighs arched out a little, breasts and nose pressed to the wall.

I let her stay there for ten minutes, while I worked on a proposal for city funding for the swimming pool. Though it was as hard for me to concentrate as, I’m sure, it was hard for Jennifer to stay in place. After fifteen minutes I pushed a button on the desk phone. A minute later Maddie entered the room. Jennifer, to do her credit, know better than to look round when she heard the door open.

“Can you bring me the earlier draft of the swimming pool proposal? I’d put some notes on it.”

Maddie knew why she was in the room. “Of course.” She made a show of noticing Jennifer. “Oh! She’s been very well spanked. I thought Jennifer was a good girl?”

Jennifer made a low, distressed sound in her throat. But she didn’t move. “Well, she’s earning her way back to good-girl status. Aren’t you, Jennifer?”