Probation Officer #76: Trust

browniesIt was possible that Sa’afia wouldn’t be home when I arrived. Or that the front door would be locked. Or that she’d be waiting for me, but she’d be dressed and ready to chat about something or other until I edged her decorously to her bedroom. But I expected her to be waiting in the kitchen, obedient, naked, a little apprehensive, and wet.

If she weren’t standing where and how I’d ordered her, it’d be an important rejection, and it’d hurt like hell, actually. But I felt confident – surprisingly so in retrospect – that she’d be waiting, and there. I trusted her lust, and her courage to get what she wanted.

I stopped the van outside Sa’afia’s place. Maybe it was a shame I’d met Ana first. Love can be arbitrary. I couldn’t come up with reasons why Ana was more worthy of passionate love than Sa’afia. I didn’t know why, except that Ana needed me, and there was something in her liveliness and grace that called me. I didn’t understand my love for Ana, but that didn’t take a damn thing away from its power.

The one thing I could say for myself, as I locked the van and walked to Sa’afia’s door, was that I’d never used Sa’afia as a substitute for Ana. I’d never thought of Ana when Sa’afia and I fucked. Whatever happened between us when we were together, dressed or not, was full-blooded (hah!) and full-hearted. It was ours, between Sa’afia and me. Monogamy didn’t matter to me. But focussing on the person you’re with, that mattered to my sense of what was right.

caning 2Sa’afia and I hadn’t talked enough, but that would have to change soon. When we did talk we’d find out what we wanted from each other later. The things I said when I didn’t lie to her about love might hurt her, as she might hurt me. I could hurt her physically, with a stiff cock and the knowledge that I was turning her on, but I’d hate to hurt her heart. Maybe, though, we liked the power and the sex, and that was what we wanted to keep and explore. 

I reached the gate. The print of Minnie Mouse, a little crumpled, was stuck in the doorjamb. 

Sa’afia was waiting for me, ready or not, naked or not.

I opened the door.

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