Probation Officer #174: The Samoan Minister 11

We looked at each other in silence. I raised my glass of pineapple juice to her and drank, watching her for any sign of embarrassment. There were none. Eventually I said, “Ana? When you said you were on love with me …?” 

The hurt I’d heard in her voice yesterday: there it was in her face. I couldn’t help it. I took her hand. “You meant it, didn’t you?” Ana blinked back tears. They’d arrived so quickly. She nodded, not wanting to speak. I took a long, shaky breath. “And when you asked me if I loved you…” 

“Yeah” Ana looked at the table cloth. “And you told me not to talk about it.” Her mouth quirked. I’d hurt her. 

“Ana, I’m sorry I responded like that. I was trying to protect myself. But you know I love you. Of course I do.” 

“Do you?” She was trying to sound calm, but there was too much hope in her voice. 

“Yes. You know I have to say, ‘yes, but’, though.”

“‘Yes, but.'”

“Look, you know I think you’re lovely. I mean, of course you’re hot, and I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about you: you’re lovely. Person. A lovely person. If we’d met under other circumstances, we could have been … Anyway, even if I wasn’t with Sa’afia, there’s my job. I can’t get involved with you.”

“That’s a stupid rule.”

“Well, the rule doesn’t even matter, because: Sa’afia. I’m with Sa’afia. But if I put my hands on that pretty little ass -.”

anas ass“‘Pretty little ass?'” Some of the light was back in her eyes. “Oh, so you professionals are allowed to say ‘pretty little ass’. Huh. I didn’t even know you’d noticed.”

“You’ve been wiggling it at me for the last eight months, Ana. Yeah, I’ve noticed your ass. It’s, um, pretty. But if I did anything about it they’d fire me.”

“That’s stupid. What are you protecting me from? Having a choice? What if  you should do something about my fucking ass? What if I want you to?”

I sighed.

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