“Hi, Ana.” 

“Hello Jaimie. Jaimie, I need to talk to you. Have you got a moment?”

“Well. Only a moment. But what’s the matter?” 

“Oh Jaime. Manaia’s broken up with me. He was, he was -” Ana was fighting back sobs. “He said he’d broken up with his – With this girl Kayla. She was his girlfriend, and he said she wasn’t his girlfriend any more and -” Ana lost the fight with the sobs. 

I’d started the conversation intending to be formal and careful. But although Ana was almost certainly being manipulative, the sobs were real. The thing with Manaia had only been going a few days, unless there were things I didn’t know. But passion is passion, breakups hurt and pain is pain. What hurts, hurts. “Oh honey. Ana, if he left you he’s out of his mind. He’s the stupidest stupid boy in the history of the world. Including Kentucky.”

No really, I just want a cuddle. That’s all.

Now there was only crying. I’d hit the motherlode, and she could spend time being miserable and sympathised with. I said, “Poor you.”

“Nnnn.” 

“Poor sad girl.”

“Nnnnnnffff. Ooooh.”

“Poor love.”

 “I wish you were holding me.”

“Ahhh. I’m your probation officer, sweetie.”

“Please come round and just hold me.”

“I really can’t.”

“Please. You don’t have to fuck me. I won’t try to fuck my poor dutiful probation officer. But I really need a hug.”

“Um.” I looked at the clock.