Probation officer #25: Music when soft voices die

Ana was faintly disappointed by the end of the session. My difficulty hadn’t been talking with a pretty girl about masturbation: that was easy. But I’d never talked about sexual pleasures with a client, especially not a client I desired, where every word was a danger to my peace of mind, and body. I found it all too easy to think about Ana and sexual pleasures.  

But eventually our hour was up. Ana was my last client for the evening session, so I gave her extra time. But eventually, the other probation officers finished and it was time to close the interview rooms. Ana was smiling when it was time for her to go home, but I’d managed to get through that hour and a half having offered only sensible, eminently positive and probably responsible advice and encouragement.

Gauguin-580_75130aShe’d hoped I’d be more shaken. 

She’d succeeded better than she’d known. She had seeded some images in my mind, Ana naked, alone and naked, in her bed. Her hand sliding along the inner thighs she’d been showing me. Then those thigh muscles and her buttocks taut, and naked, while she writhed. Did I mention she was naked? 

I thought about her, when I was home and alone myself. Alone and longing. I spoke her name that night.  

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