Probation officer #13: Don’t walk away

I told her how to attract cops and get herself arrested. For example, too many of the incidents on her charge sheet started with her seeing a cop and running away. Then I told her how not to attract cops. Ignore them. If you do need to leave, because maybe you’ve got pot in your pockets, stroll, don’t run. Walk casually away, and above all, don’t look back. Until you’re at least two blocks away. If they’re following you, you’ll find out soon enough. But if you look back they’re much more likely to follow.

And I told her the things that a cop was entitled to ask a citizen in this state, that she was required to answer. That included her name, address and occupation, and where she’d just come from and where she was going. Don’t let them draw you out by asking you a series of questions: give them everything they’re entitled to in answer to the first question. Be polite but don’t smile or be charming. Don’t swear or call them names. If they try to pump you for more, after you’ve given the information you’re required to give, tell them you’ve told them what you’re required to tell, and you’re now returning to your own business unless they intend to arrest you. Then walk away.

If they touch you or try to hold you, unless they arrest you, naming a specific crime, they’re breaking the law. Tell them if they want a longer conversation they can have it with your lawyer. Then tell them to keep their hands off you. I told her the name of a local lawyer, who was famous for destroying dodgy police evidence, and sometimes careers, in court. Cops didn’t hate him, because he was a friendly guy, but they feared him.

We went through that a couple of times, then a few times, until she had the words right, and the right tone of voice: the tone of an unfriendly adult, not a defiant child. 

I said, eventually, “That’s just right, Ana. Do that and they’ll stop talking to you. Unless you give them an opening, like shoplifting something.”

“Yes. I know. I’m sorry I did that.” She really did sound sorry.

“Sorry’s not going to be enough keep you out of jail, Ana. But we can talk about that tomorrow. For now, it’s no more shoplifting. No more getting cops to chase you. Stop acting silly, and keep out of trouble. Okay?”

walking“Name. Address. Occupation. I came from my friend’s place and now  I’m going home. Thank you for your time, officer. I am now leaving, to get back to going home. Then I walk away.”

I nodded. “That’ll do for today. You’re a quick learner.”

She touched my leg again. Dangerously close to the rere. Rere means cock in Samoan, I think I mentioned. You pronounce it “reh-reh”, but you say it quickly. I hope you find that useful, one day.

“I’ve nearly got it. But I think you should really watch me walk away. See if I’ve got it right.”

I said, “Ana.”

“You could coach me.”

She knew how close her hand was to my cock. So did my cock. I put my hand on the ignition, symbolically enough. “I better get you home.”

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