I wrote here (towards the end of the Qing saga) that “in oral sex it usually seems – and usually is – that one person serves and the other is served. That could be why it’s so very popular in bdsm, and why male doms tend to be so keen to get their submissives onto their knees with a mouthful of cock.” 

She’s wearing less than she needs to, strictly speaking, for the purpose.

That is, the one who gives oral sex is serving, and symbolically submissive. Their subservient status is often emphasised, even in non-bdsm contexts. They kneel while their lover stands, they work at the other’s pleasure while their lover relaxes. They’re often naked while their lover may be fully clothed with only his fly unzipped, or her dress/skirt lifted and knickers pushed aside.

So symbolically it’s about submission, and therefore dominance as well, and that’s why we doms tend to make it a priority.

Leaving aside the Orientalist fantasy aspect of it, that’s most succulent subservience. And I want his outfit.

A clever girl wrote in to argue that there’s a simpler explanation. That is, oral sex feels good, and most men like to have their cock sucked. A dom is one of the few men who can simply order their partner to suck their cocks, other than (perhaps, but not always) a john, the customer of a sex worker.

Likewise, a woman dom can simply tell her submissive to get to work, and punish him or her (not necessarily physically) if they don’t show enough enthusiasm or technique.

So doms get all the oral sex they want, which isn’t true of most people. 

I should say that I’ve put her case in an exaggerated way, to clarify the distinction between her view and mine. Actually, both of us agree that doms get lots of oral sex because they can. And that there are symbolic aspects to oral sex that make it extra attractive to we bdsm perverts.  

I’m off to an outdoor performance of An Ideal Husband in a few minutes. I’m not sure an outdoor performance of such an urbane play will work, but anyway I’m going to support it. But that does mean that I’m out of time.

To be continued, soon.