In non-bdsm oral sex there’s an expectation that the partners will do each other, taking a roughly equal number of turns to give and receive. In bdsm oral sex, there are no expectations except that what the dom says is how it is. The submissive does what he or she is told and earns no reward points for that, except perhaps for the relief of not being punished when he or she performs well.
Not quite what I meant by “taking turns”.
If you’re going to have a sort of orgasmic equality, then you will generally need to take turns. Even women – and I suppose men – who really love to suck cock can seldom come from that alone. Once I’d have said never: but then I encountered a woman who could come, with nothing touching her cunt but the air, at the moment I released into her mouth and she swallowed. So it can be done.
These days, if I want the submissive to come while she’s sucking me, I’ll lie on my back with my legs open. She lies on her front, with her mouth on my cock and her legs straddling my right leg, with her cunt pressed against my knee. If she’s a good girl and a good rider, then I’ll let her get herself off while she works on my cock.
My instinct, usually, is to make the woman come after serving me, because I like the sight and sounds and smells of female orgasm, and why should I deny myself that? Anyway, after an orgasm I’m generally in a benevolent mood. But I came to realise that I shouldn’t always succumb to that kindly meant impulse. Cruel can be kinder.
When denying a submissive an orgasm, always be mindful of the safety of your own genitals
I’ll never forget the first time I came in a submissive girl’s mouth and then – once she’d cleaned me, still sucking – put my cock back inside my pants and zipped up. Her expression of shocked disbelief was priceless. But before that moment we’d talked a lot about how her role in life was to serve me, and that what she desired didn’t matter or count at all. She’d loved being told that, and she found it a very sexy idea, but it wasn’t until I denied her the orgasm she’d expected that it felt real to her.
Orgasm denial’s a very intimate control over a submissive which, in my experience, most submissives hate but also love. It makes the submissive very aware, over a long period, of their submission, especially when they’re pleasuring their master or mistress, and dealing with their owner’s orgasm while knowing they won’t be allowed any release themselves.
That combination of sexual yearning and self-awareness of their own submission is, it’s always seemed to me, one of a submissive’s key pleasures. One-sided, blatantly unfair oral sex is one good way to drive that awareness home. The dom’s duty is to give his or her submissive plenty of opportunities to feel sexually needing, and subordinate.
More to come, on bdsm and oral sex.