“Oh my god,” whispered private-jet-owning Harvard sadomasochologist Dr Christian Grey, adjusting the cuffs of his Phillippe Jourdain shirt, to virginal student girl reporter Ana “Anastasia” Steele of Seattle. “You have a certain virginal, girlish innocence that I find strangely refreshing.” 

“Oh my fucking god,” exploded Ana, “you are so experienced and rich, yet troubled. I don’t know if I can handle your dominant wealthy aurora.” She bit her lip, and dimpled coquettishly. She’d have made a moue, if she could remember how to hold her mouth for one of those.

“Don’t you dare run away from your obviously growing attraction,” retorted Christian. “Or I’ll – ” 

“You wouldn’t dare!” Ana teased. She felt his strong hands on her soft, girlish, virginal body. “Oh my fucking god. You’re spanking me! Oh my fucking god!” 

Oh my fucking God, she thought to herself, as her senses came alive under the volley of sharp smacks to her soft, virginal, oh for gosh sakes I wonder if I’ve already typed that.