I had a brief relationship with a woman who wanted me to cut her.

She’d been away from bdsm for a while when she met me. When she discovered I was a dom – we found out about the other’s interest in bdsm after we’d been to bed – she liked serving, and she liked being back under discipline. But she told me that her mistress, when she’d had one, used to cut the skin on her back, very finely, with a very sharp blade. Now she was submitting again, she wanted me to cut her.  

I did consider it. You try to give lovers what they want, and doms have no excuse for being any different. But I thought it was unsafe, unwise, unsexy, and symbolically kind of creepy. I don’t like permanent damage. There’s something about knife play that feels hostile to the body. I like the body. So the idea of taking a blade to her skin just creeped me out. That didn’t leave much room for negotiation. 

I’m not condemning knife play, not then and not now. And she’s a smart and responsible woman, not remotely self-destructive. I’m only saying that it absolutely wasn’t for me. I would not cut her. 

So I refused. We continued as dom and submissive for a little longer, but only three weeks later we had an argument about something else, and she handed back the key to my apartment and asked for hers back. I think my refusal to even try knife play was a key issue.

Anyway, knife play. Sharps. Cutting. I’m just not going to do it.