Blog archeology. Also fur bikinis.

People always talk about the opening sentence of a novel, but no-one ever reads the first sentence of a blog. My book about bdsm opens with: “About twenty-one thousand years ago a tribe crunched across white grass in the frozen landscape that is now Russia.”

That’s okay, as beginnings go. It’s not about bdsm, but at least it suggests the possibility that the cast will turn out to be wearing lambskin boots and fur bikinis. As seen in pretty much all films about caves, clubs and fire-starting.

Hammer Films' idea, in 1967, of what women wore in 1,000,000 BC. The fur bikini offers excellent protection from pterodactyls, but may be unsuitable for swimming.

Raquel Welch is the obvious example, from the film poster that became a lot more famous than the film it publicised. That was “One Million Years BC”, from the Hammer Horror crew in 1967, and it had babes, dinosaurs, grunting-as-dialogue and Harry Harryhausen’s stop-motion pterodactyls. Also a man-eating brontosaurus, which must have annoyed dinosaur-savvy kids even at the time. Raquel Welch plays “Loana the Fair One”, and she’s out-acted by the pterodactyls. But it’s still a cool film.

Anyway, by the time I get readers this first post will be long buried.

But greetings to anyone who finds this. If you’re a web archeologist from 2023, drop me a note and I’ll send you a Special Gift.

2 thoughts on “Blog archeology. Also fur bikinis.

  1. Considering you are one of the few who know what Raquel Welch’s film was called when she was wearing that furry bikini, maybe you would know where one can get one – I need it to complete my wardrobe.

    I shall find me a strong dominant man to save me from being bogged down while swimming and from scene-stealing pterodactyls.

    Hopefully your blog will enlighten us somewhat along the road to Domascus and give some interesting information along with hot tit-bits. ahem


  2. I think only one was made, so your best bet is to get the original. It’s probably displayed, minus La Welch, in some Planet Hollywood somewhere. So just point somewhere, shout “look out!”, break the glass and help yourself. There may be some slight unpleasantness if they don’t mistake you for a fireman, but running away from guard dogs is a good way to keep fit.
    Yeah, I met a pterodactyl in a bar once. He said he’d just been in an all-pterodactyl production of Hamlet, except for Raquel Welch as Gertrude. The rest of the cast was totally wired, he said, but they’d thought she was a bit wooden.

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