I’ve always thought of New Year as the distinctively Scots festival. But I’ve got to acknowledge the fact that they invented the kilt and put girls in it, the perverts. And that you can’t have Christmas elves and such without pretty girls in kilts.

I suppose the rest of us fell into line with liking kilts, as worn by women, because the colours are cheerful, and with the right stride they’re very flappy little skirts.

They’re supremely, easily liftable, too, if the kilted woman is in that mood. Something like a tight little black cocktail dress can take a lot of tugging and shuffling, to get it off.

But a kilt … well, as I mentioned, a puff of wind can do it. Engineering genius.

And in Scots dialect “greeting” means crying. So there are lots of “Season’s greetings” puns right there. 

The Scots probably didn’t invent dakryphilia, which is the sexual appreciation of tears. Maybe the fact that “dakryphilia” is coined by a German from a Greek root is the clue, there.  

Still, the people who gave us the kilt and the word “greeting” are already bdsm legends. And let’s not forget that other Scots invention, the tawse.

Here’s a tawsed girl, showing the effectiveness of that implement in behaviour modification. And skin decoration, too. 

The girl is the beautiful “Linda”, and she’s German, not Scots. So’s the man wielding the tawse.

(I can always recognise that guy’s work because he always straps or canes on that angle, and – ask me – he aims a little too high.)

Anyway the Scots contribution isn’t as cool as their being mainly responsible for the Enlightenment. Still, perving up Christmas is a significant cultural achievement. 

So I hope you all have some sort of sexually complicated Christmas, possibly involving nudity and activity, and greetin’: the cheers, tears, yowls and howls of happy people. 

What I’d hope for (with a North American socket), but I hope everybody gets what they want.

For those who like blokes: here’s a crew of thematic guys. I covet the antlers, but.