There’s a wig in a drawer, in a box like a humidor, in one of Britain’s most prestigious educational institutions. I’m not going to say which one, because it’s officially “lost”, St Andrews claims ownership (but not “possession”; they don’t have it), and I don’t want to get anyone into trouble.

The wonderful and absurdly pretty Nell Gwyn. Pubic hair not shown. Google her name and the words “Protestant whore” to find out why the London mob loved her. It’s a good story – she was, famously, witty as well as pretty – but unfortunately it’s way off-topic for this post.

The wig is made of the pubic hair of the mistresses of his Majesty Charles II, the Merrie Monarch. That means there are, or should be, contributions from the unpopular Louise Renée de Penancoët de Kérouaille, Duchess of Portsmouth (the Catholic whore, as the mob called her), Barbara Palmer, Elizabeth Killagrew, Lucy Walter, Winifred Wells, the sportingly named Catherine Pegge, Moll Davis and Hortense Mancini, and the legendary Nell Gwyn, his Majesty’s Protestant whore.

I’d hoped it would be a sleek, multicoloured wig, with blonde curls, black curls and Nell Gwyn’s auburn, but time has worked the wrong kind of magic. It’s a dry and far from sleek object, and the colours have faded to a uniform dark-grey mouse color.

Anyway, my point is that Charles II was able to get enough pubic hair from nine mistresses (or major mistresses, anyway) to cover his head and keep his ears warm. These days you wouldn’t get enough pubic hair from nine mistresses to cover the head of the future Charles III on a postage stamp.

There’s been a major pubic deforestation program going on. Here are the Australian figures. 

Women (age range)        Per cent who’ve removed or shaped their pubic hair

16-19                                 78%

20-29                                 74%

30-39                                 67%

40-49                                 49%

50-59                                 25%

60-69                                 11%

Men (age range)             Per cent who’ve removed or shaped their pubic hair

16-19                                 54%

20-29                                 50%

30-39                                 35%

40-49                                 23%

50-59                                 10%

60-69                                   5%

This is a fashion, obviously. There’s likely to be a backlash and a return of pubic hair some time. But it’s interesting to see that pubic grooming has become prevalent with younger men, when it used to be more or less exclusively a female thing. The majority of  guys 16-19 have trimmed or shaved or whatever, while for guys in their 20s it’s a fifty fifty chance either way. That’s kind of remarkable.

Disclosure: I don’t shave. But I trim.

Bdsm quiz!

How many submissive women who’ve practiced bdsm in the last year would it take to make a decent pubic hair wig?

I took a sneak peek at the data on this, so I know the answer. Have a guess!